Finding Me Read online

  “Jaimee.” Kristy hung her head and put her hand on her forehead. “Amber was naked and sleeping in his bed. We all saw the Snapchat.”

  I flinched at Kristy’s words. Yeah, we sure did—but the reminder stung all the same.

  “Honestly,” Laura whispered behind me. “It crossed my mind, too. He was so upset that morning he came to our room. He moped out like he just lost everything and I don’t think he was faking.”

  My brows knitted together as I met Laura’s gaze. “You’re serious?”

  She nodded slowly. “Yes, I am. Maybe you should hear him out.”

  “I honestly don’t know what to think. It doesn’t make any sense, but I’ve been duped and humiliated once. I can’t do it again.”

  Jaimee squeezed my shoulder. “What does your gut say?”

  I reached up to touch the back of her hand. “My gut says that Owen is a good guy that wouldn’t hurt me, but considering I thought the same about my ex at one time, it’s hard to figure out. I get what you’re saying, but the image of Amber in his bed is burned in my brain.” Burned was putting it lightly. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Amber’s naked body cuddling into Owen’s back. Anything short of time travel or a lobotomy couldn’t take that image away.

  “Sometimes, things are more than what they seem at face value. If he just wanted to mess with Amber, he could do that without sneaking around. My advice is to hear him out. You’re a pretty smart cookie.” Jaimee stood and ruffled the ponytail on top of my head. “I bet you’ll figure out right away if he’s lying or not.”

  “What do you think?” I gazed over at Kristy, who grunted through a mouthful of cake.

  “The notes everywhere are kinda sweet, but that could just be his cover. He didn’t want you to come over, and when you did, you found Amber in his bed. It’s a pretty bad smoking gun. I probably wouldn’t speak to him. It’s up to you, Bella. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

  “Yeah,” I took another scoop of ice cream. “That makes two of us.”

  The conversation shifted to Laura’s Spring Show and her friend Connor’s mixed signals and then to Kristy’s nasty boss at the diner. It was refreshing to talk about other people’s lives for a change, as thinking about my own so much made me queasy.

  Jaimee and Kristy left, and Laura went downstairs to get more junk food provisions from the vending machine.

  I fell back on my bed and fumbled with my phone, somehow dialing my mother’s number.

  “Hey, sweetheart! Are you okay? Dad said you didn’t sound very good. I was actually about to call you myself.”

  My mother’s voice made all of my emotions rush out. The dam broke and I told her everything. Everything. My sleepovers with Owen, finding Amber there, how he’d been trying to talk to me and I’d been pushing him away. She answered with a few soft okays as I rehashed every heinous detail of the past few days.

  Letting it all go and telling her everything was like a brick off my chest. Now, as it sank in, my stomach twisted at her delayed reaction.

  She let out a long sigh before she spoke. “Yeah, telling Dad any of that would not have been good at all. He would have piled Joey in the back seat and headed straight to school to grab you by the neck and bring you back home.” I uttered a sad chuckle. We both knew Lucas pretty well.

  “I won’t go into all of what you told me right now. I trust that you have a head on your shoulders and have been careful up to this point. Maybe when you’re back home again we should see about birth control as an extra precaution.”

  My mouth fell open. “You’re … okay with what I just told you.”

  “No, Bella.” Mom’s voice took on a stern tone. “But you’re young, and you’re away at school. I can tell you to stop, but that won’t mean anything in the end. I don’t want a slip up now to ruin all the plans you have for later. That being said, I think you need to talk to Owen.”

  I groaned. “You too? I’ve been down this road before, Mom. Christian lied and I fell for it. I don’t want to go back there again.”

  “I get that. Believe me. I never talked to you about this. But Marc was … unfaithful. A lot. And I knew for a long time, but never really addressed it.”

  My eyes widened at her admission. “Why would you just … let him? And not do anything about it?” And is that why you cheated with Lucas? I wished I could ask her but I had enough information I didn’t want to know rattling around in my brain.

  “Because at that point, there was nothing between us. I tried to keep things a sort of normal for your sake, but then I realized that pretending was hurting all of us. Your dad came into our lives, and things were so much different. But I almost walked away when I found him in a predicament almost exactly like the one you found Owen in.”

  I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me. Thank God this wasn’t a FaceTime call with all these little reveals. “It couldn’t have been—”

  “Oh, it was. Trust me. By the looks of it, I was cheated on, again, and I refused to let that happen. I judged your dad for all of Marc’s crimes. Someone said if I really listened to him, I’d know whether he was lying, and I’m so thankful I did. Imagine our lives without him. No Joey, no alpha ogre grunting around so he could protect us from the big bad world.” I chuckled. That was him all right. “The three of you are the best things that ever happened to me. If you love Owen, you owe it to yourself. Trust your gut to know if he’s lying to you.”

  “Okay, Mom. I’ll listen.”

  “Good girl. And, I don’t know how to process all of what you just told me yet, but I’m glad you did. You’re a smart person with a big heart. I’m your mother, so I’ll always worry, but I never doubt you’ll do the right thing. I’m going to fish a little bottle out of my mini bar and call it a night. I’ll check on you tomorrow. I love you.”

  “I love you too, Mom. Thank you.”

  I ended the call and fell back on my pillow. I hoped Mom found the hard stuff in her mini bar. She needed it.

  After Laura nodded off, I grabbed my phone off my night stand and decided to bite the bullet. There were fifteen new voicemails from Owen. I started with the first few after I ran out of his apartment.

  Bella, please. I didn’t do anything with Amber. I was already passed out when she crawled into my bed, and didn’t wake up until the morning. Please, City. You have to believe me.

  There was no mistaking the anguish in his voice. I recalled him saying those words in my room while on his knees, begging for me to listen. I was too mad to let myself be swayed by what he had to say at the time, but could he have been sincere? My heart constricted at the way his voice cracked toward the end. The next few were more of the same, but the last one, from just a few hours before, tore my already battered heart.

  Since I have all this time alone, I’ve been thinking about all the things I miss about you. From the first time I saw you, you made me work for it, and I loved that. I loved it because once I won you over, you gave me everything—and that felt like I hit the jackpot. I miss all the things that made you mine, that only I know. Most of all, I miss you being mine. And I hate that you aren’t because of a stupid lie.

  I miss you and I love you. And I’ll say it as many times and for as many days as I have to—until you believe it.

  God, I missed being his, too. The weight of everything going on with Marc and what I knew now about my mom and Lucas was so heavy, but I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone but Owen. I lost more than my boyfriend, I lost my best friend. The same pain and longing I felt was reflected in his voice. My gut said Owen was telling the truth, but my head still wasn’t so sure. My heart hurt without him … and because of him. I had no idea who was right.

  Bella

  STANDING AT OWEN’S DOOR, I shook like a leaf. After a long night of tossing and turning, the only thing I could think of was getting here as soon as I could—but I had no clue what to do now that I was here. I took a deep breath and rang his bell. Both relief and dread flooded my system when swift
footsteps from inside came closer.

  “Coming!” An achingly familiar voice drifted outside as the door opened. Owen exhaled and leaned against the doorframe as his gaze locked with mine.

  “Hey,” he whispered as his lips curved in a soft smile.

  “Hey,” I squeaked back. “Can I … Can I come in?”

  Owen nodded and stepped aside as he pushed the door open for me to enter.

  I wiped my damp palms on my jeans as I sat on his couch. I wasn’t used to a quiet Owen or the exhausted expression on his face. Was he even happy to see me? Today was the first day he hadn’t texted or called. What if I was too late? If Owen was telling the truth, in my spiteful haste, had I lost him for good?

  “I heard what happened yesterday. Are you okay?”

  Owen’s mouth twitched in a half smirk as he shrugged. “Yeah, I’m fine. It was inevitable, and I’ve been on edge lately.”

  I gazed at the floor and nodded. “Me, too,” I whispered. “What was the fight about?”

  Owen rested his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. “Take a wild guess. Are you here because you finally believe me? Or you just wanted to check on me?” He raised a questioning eyebrow.

  “I … I …” I stammered as I tried to figure out how to answer. “I didn’t know what to think—”

  “You didn’t? Really?” Owen took in a deep breath and rubbed his forehead. “C’mon, Bella. How could you ever think I’d do something like that to you? You’ve had me since the first damn day we met. You thought I told you I loved you and then jumped into bed with Amber three seconds later?”

  “I saw you in bed with a naked girl that you used to hook up with. What was I supposed to think?”

  Owen narrowed his eyes as he moved next to me on the couch. “You’re supposed to think I love you too much to hurt you like that. You’re supposed to give me the chance to explain. At least wake me up to call me an asshole, kick Amber’s ass, something. You thought the worst and ran. I deserved—we deserved—better than that, don’t you think?”

  I took a deep breath and raked my fingers through my hair. “This happened to me before. My ex-boyfriend went off to college and moved on without telling me. One day I got to school and the big news of the day was Christian kissing his new girlfriend on Facebook. I came here, saw you and Amber, and it felt as if it was happening all over again. The Snapchat made it all come full circle.” I raised my gaze back to Owen’s. He let out a sad chuckle and nodded as he turned back to me.

  “He was the hockey player, right? Why I had two strikes against me from the beginning? I’m not him, Bella. I would never do that to you.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s what always happens! At least to me. I wind up alone after I get dumped for a better option. I’m used to being left; by my father, by Christian, but I never expected that of you. Maybe I should have woken you, fought with Amber, but I was so mad at you, and mad at me for letting it happen again. So I ran. This time, I wanted to be the one who left. Even when I wondered if you may be telling the truth, my pride wouldn’t let me listen.”

  Owen gazed at the floor, shaking his head. Taking that as my cue that I may have screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me, I needed to leave. I stood and nodded at Owen as I turned to go.

  “Get over here.” Owen pulled me by my wrist onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. “No more running. No more leaving. No more jumping to conclusions because of jerks from the past. I love you. And I’m never losing you again.” Owen’s lips curved into a smile as he cupped my cheek.

  “Am I still your sky full of stars?”

  His smile grew wide as he exhaled. “You’re my stars, my sun, and my sky. You’re my whole damn universe.”

  I let out a long, relieved sigh. “So, I’m not too late?”

  Owen grabbed the back of my head and sealed his lips over mine. I pulled at his hair as he slipped his tongue inside. His lips were everything I remembered, warm and wet and wonderful. I moaned as I flung my arms around his neck. He took his lips from mine and cradled my head in his hands.

  “There she is.” He kissed my forehead.

  Owen slipped his arm under my thighs and stood from the couch. I giggled as he set me down on the floor. His lips never left mine as he backed me out of the living room and down the hall toward his bedroom.

  “Hi, Bella. Nice to see you back.” I spotted Ethan smirking at us from the corner of my eye. I waved without looking as Owen grinned against my lips.

  Once we were behind his closed bedroom door, I pulled at his shirt at the same time his fingers undid the buttons on my blouse. We managed to get both off without ripping anything and fell back on his bed.

  Owen hovered over me and cupped my cheek, running his thumb along my bottom lip. “I missed you so damn much.” He let out a sharp hiss when I opened my mouth to suck on it.

  “I … I don’t have any clothes here,” I panted, somehow remembering I sent Laura here for all my things a few days ago. Owen held my gaze as he dragged down my bra straps until my breasts popped out of the cups. He sucked hard on a nipple as his hand moved to the button of my jeans.

  Owen laughed as he stood from the bed and yanked my jeans off.

  “Silly girl,” he teased. He climbed back on top of me and slid his hand into my soaked panties. “Always thinking. You don’t need clothes tonight, or in the morning either. In fact, you may miss tomorrow’s classes altogether.” He dipped two fingers inside and I cried out, not caring whether Ethan or whoever else was in the apartment heard.

  “I love you,” I gasped as his mouth trailed down my stomach “I’m sorry …”

  “Shh … I love you, too. You’re back, and you’re mine. That’s all I’ll ever care about.”

  Owen

  “DAMN, WHAT TIME DID YOU get up? Do you have to make so much noise?” Andy’s scratchy voice traveled through our tiny kitchen as he trudged toward the box of store bought donuts on the counter.

  I chuckled as I shook my head. You’d think I’d be used to his grumpy ass by now.

  “It’s seven, dude. You won’t always have the luxury of sleeping until ten because you don’t take classes before noon.” I pulled the plastic plates out of the cabinet and took one cinnamon roll from the box.

  “Maybe I’d be a little more chipper if there wasn’t so much damn noise on the other side of my wall all night,” Andy huffed around a jelly donut.

  A smile tugged at my lips despite the scowl on his face. “It wasn’t all night.” I grabbed my coffee and Bella’s latte and headed toward my room. “I think we passed out around three.”

  Andy groaned. “I can’t take you this early in the morning.”

  Creeping into my bedroom, I placed the coffee cups and plate on my desk. Dark hair spilled over my pillow while the rest of Bella stayed hidden under the covers. I slipped my shoes off and crawled in behind her, snaking my arm around her tiny naked waist. My lips started at her shoulder and planted soft, wet kisses across her silky skin to the nape of her neck. She squirmed and rubbed her perfect ass against me, making me hard as a rock in less than a minute. After losing each other for almost a week, we spent all night making up for lost time. Andy was right to be pissed; the both of us were a lot louder than we usually were. I chuckled at the memory of my uninhibited girl not caring who heard her scream. Something told me in daylight she’d care a whole lot, so I’d have to tell the guys to shut their mouths before they made any stupid comments.

  “Hey, gorgeous.” I nibbled on her earlobe and she let out a sleepy giggle. “Time to wake up.” I dove into the crook of her neck, aiming my lips for the sweet spot right below her ear that always set her off. I was rewarded with the sexiest little moan when I found it.

  “I don’t want to wake up. I want to stay right here. Can’t we just stay in bed?” Bella rolled over and cuddled into my chest. She painted little kisses up my neck and it was my turn to squirm. My hand drifted down the curve of her hips. I wished I never had to let her out of my bed. After a very restl
ess night, I was all for burying myself inside her for most of the day, too.

  “No argument from me. Don’t you want the cinnamon roll and latte I bought you?”

  Bella pulled back and squinted her eyes at me. “When did you do that?”

  I laughed and kissed her forehead. “I snuck out early this morning. I figured you had a long night and could use the jolt before class.”

  She grinned and sat up. “I could use something. I’m sore in places … I didn’t know you could be sore.” She held the sheet around her chest with her elbows. I chuckled at her sleepy gaze and disheveled hair.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Take it easy, City. I’m just laughing at your sex hair.” I threaded my fingers through her long tangles.

  “Sex hair?” She scowled at me and I laughed even harder. She turned to get out of bed and I pulled her back by the arm.

  “Stay right there. Let me serve you.” I kissed her lips and grabbed her latte and cinnamon roll from my desk. She took a long sip and shut her eyes in satisfaction after I handed it to her.

  “Breakfast in bed? You’re spoiling me. I’ll never want to leave.”

  “Now, you get the idea. And if you keep doing that.” Bella licked her sticky fingers in between bites. “I may never let you put clothes on again.”

  She smirked and shook her head. “Such a caveman.”

  I leaned over to take a big chomp out of the roll in her hand and sucked her fingers into my mouth to lick the glaze off. “And you love it, baby.” I grabbed the back of her neck and brought her lips back to mine. I pulled at her bottom lip with my teeth before I let go.

  “I missed you so much. I wish I would have told you to let Seth drop you off. I just couldn’t face you.”

  Bella’s brow furrowed as she leaned back. “Why couldn’t you face me?”

  I took a deep breath, and lowered my gaze down to our joined hands. “I failed at something I really wanted and I didn’t want you to see me feeling sorry for myself. I only want you to see the best of me.” I shrugged and brought my gaze back to hers.