Finding Me Read online

  She smiled as she inched closer to me on the bed. “I could never not see the best of you. But, I love that about you. How hard you always try to impress me and how mad at yourself you get when you think you fall short. You never do, by the way.” She cupped my cheek and kissed the corner of my mouth. “That is what makes you mine. Something only I know.”

  My eyes grew wide. “So you did listen to my voicemails?” Bella chuckled as I scooted closer to her on the bed. “I love you. It makes me a little crazy sometimes.” I ran my thumb along her jaw. “And let me say,” I whispered against her skin as I feathered kisses over her chin and down to her collarbone, “with absolute certainty,” Bella dropped her head back as my lips descended down her chest, “your ex was a stupid, stupid asshole.” Bella moaned and arched her back as she let the sheet drop.

  I peeled off my shirt and covered her mouth with mine. God, she was so fucking perfect. Bella pulled me on top of her and writhed beneath me. I tasted every part of her last night and I still hadn’t gotten enough—I couldn’t. This girl was my drug, and I had an incurable addiction. My mouth didn’t know where it wanted to go first. My lips drifted down to her belly button; my mouth watered as I continued my descent to the paradise between her legs. All it took was one long lick to make her buck her hips off the bed. Getting Bella unglued was my favorite pastime.

  My tongue couldn’t get deep enough inside her. Bella dug her heels into my back and I grabbed her hips to pull her even closer. I kissed and licked every inch until her legs shook and she shrieked my name.

  My lips dragged across the salty skin on the inside of her damp thigh, already making me crave another taste. I rested my chin on her quivering knee as I gazed at Bella’s flushed cheeks. Her sweet mouth curved up in a smile as she tried to catch her breath.

  “You’re still sweeter than sugar.”

  Her hooded eyes darkened as she grinned at me. I was about to suggest she skip classes for probably the first time in her life when we jumped at the banging on the other side of the wall.

  “Still? Jesus, man. It’s too early for this shit.”

  Bella’s eyes grew wide as she covered her mouth.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll give him headphones if he bitches again.” She giggled as I climbed back up her gorgeous body.

  The chime of a text made Bella stiffen. She sat up to glance at her phone and dropped her head into her hands.

  “What’s wrong, baby?” I pulled her hands away from her face.

  “That was Marc. Today is the day. I’m supposed to meet him at the diner after my last class at five.” She took my face in her hands and gave me a soft kiss. “You’re a good distraction, OT.”

  “Can I come with you?”

  Bella shook her head. “It’ll be weird enough facing him alone. I’ll be in public place and Kristy is working. Nothing bad can happen.” She kissed my cheek and reached for her coffee next to the bed.

  I wasn’t so sure. I’d had a bad feeling ever since she first told me about it. He’d been pushing to see her because he ‘had to talk to her’ after thirteen years of silence. Bella was brilliant and acted tough, but underneath it all was sweetness and innocence. She could blow it off all she wanted to me, but she was heading there tonight to find the acceptance she’d wanted all her life from her father. He had an easy in to hurt her or manipulate her. If that was his real intention, he wouldn’t have to worry about her stepfather. I’d beat the shit out of him myself.

  “I better get up.” Bella wrapped the sheet around her as she headed for my bathroom. “Since I have to wear the same clothes as yesterday to class, I should at least brush my sex hair.” She gave me a cheeky grin as she hobbled away.

  “I can give you a shirt. Maybe you can wear my jersey so it’s crystal clear who you spent the night with.” I pulled at the sheet bunched up around her waist. “Little silly to cover up, being as though I’ve seen it all.”

  Bella huffed as she narrowed her eyes at me. “Your problem is when you see it all, you want to touch it all, and I have a ten-thirty class.” She blew me a kiss before she shut the door.

  My joy and relief at having Bella back were overshadowed by the dread in my stomach. I had more than crazy exes to protect her from. I had to love her enough to protect her from herself.

  Bella

  “ARE YOU OKAY?” KRISTY GAZED at me with puzzled concern.

  “Fine. Really.” The ice in my water glass clanked as I brought it to my lips with a quivering hand. I was about to meet the biological father who left me over a decade ago without a word since. No big deal, right? Why was I so goddamn nervous?

  “Bella, he should be the one who’s nervous. He checked out of your life all those years ago and now he’s pressuring you to let him back in. You’re an adult now. You aren’t obligated to do anything where he’s concerned.” Kristy frowned as she stood from the booth and tied her apron on. It had been necessary to fill her in as to why I wanted to come to work with her tonight. I recounted the whole sad story—the miserable father he was, his thirteen year absence, the bomb he dropped about Lucas and my mom having an affair, and Mom telling me how Marc spent most of their marriage cheating. My head ached from the bad talk show episode my family had become.

  “And,” she added before heading to the counter to start her shift, “you have nothing to prove to him. You’re beautiful and smart with a ridiculously bright future. You actually kinda bore me.” Her lips turned up in a smirk as she sauntered away.

  I chuckled with tears in my eyes. “Thanks a lot.” Add over-emotional to nervous wreck. I wanted to hear those words from Marc tonight. I hated that I did, but the stupid little girl in me hoped he would at least try. Even before he left, I never remember him speaking to me with love like a real father would. Like Lucas did. My stomach rolled at how much I was disrespecting him by being here in the first place. How he and Mom got together suddenly didn’t bother me. I knew where I stood with him. He loved me unconditionally, even though he didn’t have to.

  Kristy’s section consisted of me and an older gentleman with bright red suspenders reading the paper while he sipped his coffee. He tipped his Buffalo Bills cap as he caught my gaze and I nodded back. My eyes darted around the room. The empty diner would make it easier to spot Marc when he walked in.

  My head jerked to the chime of the bell on the front door. A stocky man wearing a blue jogging suit stepped into the diner. His almost bald head craned around the room until his gaze found mine. My heart stopped as recognition sank in. Marc was right about one thing, I would have known him anywhere.

  I rose from my seat as he made his way to my table. There was no hug. No tears of regret. No “let me look at you and see how you’ve grown up.” He nodded with a small smile and slid into the booth across from me. I didn’t remember him to be a touchy feely type of guy when I was little, but I would think seeing your daughter for the first time in so long would make even the hardest of hearts a little misty eyed.

  I fell back into my seat and squinted at him. Did we look like father and daughter? I tried to pinpoint anything on his face that resembled my own. Maybe his eyes were like mine; sometimes in the light they turned a honey color like my mother’s but mostly they were plain old brown like his. Gray streaks ran through what was left of the hair on his head and half grown beard. I gazed down at his hands and realized we had the same oddly short pinky fingers.

  “You could be your mother’s twin. I told you I’d be able to spot you.” He settled into the seat and opened his menu. He wasn’t too nervous to eat. I was the only one at the table who couldn’t swallow a gulp of water. “Have you been here long?”

  “Just a few minutes. I spotted you, too. I didn’t think I would be able to.” I lay my elbows on the table and crossed my arms.

  “I know, because it’s been so long, right?” He shrugged and rolled his eyes. My heart sank in spite of itself. That sincere apology I didn’t expect, but in the back of my mind hoped I would get, wasn’t coming anytime soon.

&n
bsp; Kristy appeared to take our order. Marc only ordered a coffee and I said I was good with water. I guessed he didn’t intend to stay for a whole meal.

  “Thanks for meeting me, Bella. I’m sure you have a lot of questions.”

  “Just one, really. Why did you want to see me after all this time?”

  Marc huffed and leaned back against his seat in the booth. “Well, now I didn’t need to ask your mother’s permission or worry about Lucas’s interference. You’re an adult now …”

  “I’ve been an adult since March twenty-sixth of last year. Not sure if you still remember my birthday. I never heard from you so I assume you forgot.”

  Marc gave me an eye roll with an annoyed sigh. “I didn’t ask to see you so I can defend everything I did wrong. It’s in the past and water under the bridge at this point.”

  I raised my eyebrows at his brush off. “Water under the bridge to who?”

  Marc let out a long sigh. “Bella, I don’t want to argue with you. I need your help.”

  “My help? For what, exactly?” I narrowed my eyes and leaned back in my seat.

  Marc took in a deep breath and folded his hands on the table. “Before your grandparents passed, we had a little falling out. Your grandmother was upset that I moved to Chicago and didn’t come back for visits, so we fought. After your grandfather died, she revised her will to make you her sole beneficiary.”

  I nodded as I pieced together what made him have a sudden interest in his long lost daughter.

  “That money is invested. I can’t touch it until I’m twenty-one. So if that’s what you’re after—”

  He shrugged at me and pursed his lips. “You could get it if you really tried. Say you needed it for school.”

  “How much are you asking me for?”

  “The policy was for fifty thousand, plus I know they had more than that. I should get at least half.”

  My mouth fell open. “You want me to ask my parents for twenty-five thousand dollars for school? I’m on a full scholarship; my tuition is paid.”

  His jaw clenched as his expression hardened. “Make something up. Say you’re in some kind of trouble. Drugs or pregnant or something. Tell them they need to bail you out.”

  “Why do you need this money so badly? I thought you were in IT in Chicago.”

  “Was.”

  Kristy set Marc’s coffee down and shot me a concerned glance. I shook my head quickly and went back to Marc’s gaze.

  “I was laid off. New management took over and had a lot of bullshit rules. I was let go without a recommendation, so for the past year it’s been hell finding a job. I’m running on nothing here and need this money. I even lost my pension. It’s been rough, Bella. You have to help me, please.”

  “What rule did you break that you lost everything? Did you steal from them?”

  Marc shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee. “Doesn’t matter. What matters is—”

  “What matters is that you screwed up and suddenly remembered you had parents with an insurance policy and a daughter you think you can manipulate into getting you money you don’t deserve.”

  “You have no right telling me what I do and don’t deserve. Especially since you’ve been living as some privileged brat over there in Queens with your mother and pretty boy. So, will you help me or not?”

  I crossed my arms and let out a shaky breath. I had no clear memories of Marc. What I remembered most was his indifference and absence, even before he hightailed it to Chicago. He was never around at night to tuck me in or take care of me when I was sick. He never sat next to Mom at my dance recitals with a bouquet of flowers for me. I felt no love, no concern, and no pride from him. It stood to reason he would have no problem using me as a means to an end to get something he wanted.

  Owen was right: people didn’t change. Still, I hoped that he had, and that he would tell me I was worthy enough of his love and how sorry he was that he missed so much of my life. He had no real interest in me then, or now. The only thing nice he ever did for me was stay away. If six years of hazy memories messed up my head this much, I shuddered to imagine what a lifetime would have done to me.

  He needed to go back to his rightful place in my life—far away from me.

  “No,” I spit back at him with gritted teeth.

  “No? Look, kid, that’s my money, too. It’s owed to me.”

  “Owed to you? You never even came back for their funerals. You still expected to take their money? I won’t hurt my parents just because you think you’re entitled. So yeah, no. Not ever.”

  Marc slammed his hand on the table, making me and the three other people in the diner jump. “Stop saying ‘parents’! I’m your father. Lucas has his own kid. You think he cares about you? I’m your family, not him. And I need help, so you’re going to give it to me.”

  “No. I’m not. You’re not my father. You aren’t family. Sperm donor is a better term for what you are. All these weeks, you tried to force yourself into my life and this was all you wanted?”

  Tears pricked my eyelids but this son of a bitch wouldn’t see me cry. Leaning over the table, I narrowed my eyes at Marc.

  “You’re no one to me. I have a father, and he’s not you.” I stood and grabbed my bag, zipping my coat as I stormed outside.

  Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I charged into the chilly air. I couldn’t be in Marc’s presence for one second longer. I gazed at the deserted bus stop across the street. The sleepy little town was creepily quiet in the dark. I rummaged for my phone in my bag as I continued to walk. I needed Owen to get me.

  “Who the hell do you think you are?” Marc grabbed my forearm and twisted me toward him. I cried out in pain as I gazed into his dark and angry eyes. “I’m your father, not pretty boy. You want to believe he’s your father, and that your mother isn’t a cheating whore? You’ll get me that money, I’m not just walking away—”

  “Let her go!” Owen came out of nowhere and pushed Marc off of me, causing him to release his grip and fall back. He scowled at Marc as he gripped my hand. “Bella, you okay?” One tear escaped the corner of my eye and fell down my cheek as I shook my head. Why or how was Owen here?

  “You mind your business. I’m her father and we’re having a private discussion.”

  Owen pushed in between Marc and me. “I’m her boyfriend and you were hurting her, so I don’t care who you are.” Owen moved closer to Marc and got in his face.

  “Are you threatening me?” Marc snickered. “Think I’m afraid of a redneck?” Marc reached behind Owen and yanked my arm, catching me by the elbow and twisting much harder this time. The pain was so unbearable I thought my arm would break. I screamed as a sob ran through me. Of all the ways tonight could have gone, this disaster was something I never expected.

  “Let me go!” I shouted. The street was so deserted my echo yelled back at me.

  Owen pulled me away and punched Marc in the stomach. He tumbled to the ground, hunched over.

  “Yeah, you should be afraid of this redneck. Especially if you try to hurt his girl again.”

  Marc coughed and started to laugh. He wasn’t only an asshole, he was a psychopath. The smile he gave us made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. “I maybe won’t need Bella to do anything. I bet a lawyer would love to know how her boyfriend assaulted her own father. I could have you arrested. How long would that pretty face last in a cell?”

  “A lot longer than yours would. See, this isn’t my first rodeo. I’m a hockey player, and I’ve had a ton of fights on the ice with a lot bigger than you. But nothing would give me more satisfaction than beating your sorry ass to a pulp.” Owen’s gaze locked on his as he remained stoic.

  The smile faded from Marc’s face when he realized Owen wasn’t backing down. He had a good thirty pounds of muscle on Marc and was a full head taller.

  “This isn’t over, Bella. One way or the other, I’ll get at least half of that money.” He limped back to the parking lot and to his car.

  I dropped my face t
o my hands and wept. The pain in my arm was excruciating, but my pride hurt a shit load more.

  “Baby, I’m so sorry.” Owen wrapped his arms around me and I sniffled into his chest.

  “What are you doing here? I didn’t see you.”

  Owen shrugged. “I had a hard time believing he had good intentions, although I didn’t expect this. If he hurt you because he didn’t say what you wanted to hear, I didn’t want you to be alone. I sat in the truck in the parking lot and Kristy texted me what was going on. I ran over when I saw you bolt. I’m so sorry I didn’t get to you sooner.”

  I gazed up at him with a sad chuckle. “You’re my hero.”

  Owen kissed me on top of my head and held me tighter.

  “What did I do, Owen? This is all my fault.”

  “No, Bella. It’s not. Not in the least.”

  Owen rubbed my back and led me to his truck in the rear of the parking lot. I slid in the passenger seat and leaned my head against the window.

  He picked up my hand and brought it to his lips. “Any father would love to have you for his daughter. It’s not your fault. Wanting to see him and hear him out just makes you a good person. It’s not stupid to want to give your own father a chance.”

  “What if he causes trouble? What if he tries to get you arrested? You heard him, he won’t leave it alone.” I rubbed my forehead at the clusterfuck I started. I’d bet Marc was the type of guy to inflict his own bruises to fake an assault.

  “Don’t worry about me. Like I said, I can hold my own.” He winked and I let out a sad laugh.

  “Now repeat after me. This is not my fault.”

  I nodded, but remained silent. This was my fault. After wondering for so many years why my father left, I needed to figure out how to make him stay away for good this time.

  Bella

  “C’MON, CITY. TALK TO ME.” Owen lay next to me and wrapped his arms around me from behind. I hadn’t said a word the entire way back to his apartment from the diner. I went straight to his bedroom and curled up in a ball on top of the bed. He swept my hair to the side and planted a kiss on the nape of my neck.