Always You Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Playlist

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Always You by Stephanie Rose

  Copyright © 2015 by Stephanie Rose

  All rights Reserved

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted on any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locals is entirely coincidental.

  Except the original material written by the author, all songs, song titles, and lyrics contained in the book are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.

  Cover designed by:

  Najla Qamber Designs (www.najlaqamberdesigns.com)

  Interior design and formatting by:

  Kassi’s Kandids Formatting

  To my Batman and my Superman – my husband and son.

  You save me every day.

  Alone – Heart

  See You Again – Carrie Underwood

  Still Into You – Paramore

  (You Want To) Make A Memory – Bon Jovi

  Come To Me – The Goo Goo Dolls

  Run – feat. Sugarland – Matt Nathanson

  Beneath Your Beautiful – Labrinth

  Lonely Tonight (featuring Ashley Monroe) – Blake Shelton

  Colorblind – Counting Crows

  Make You Feel My Love – Adele

  Stay – Rihanna

  Somebody That I Used To Know – Gotye

  Start of Something Good – Daughtry

  I Touch Myself – Divinyls

  Hanging By A Moment – Lifehouse

  It Was Always You – Maroon 5

  Superman Tonight – Bon Jovi

  Endlessly – Green River Ordinance

  Love Someone – Jason Mraz

  Almost Is Never Enough – Ariana Grande

  Say Something – A Great Big World, Christina Agullera

  Without You – Max

  I Won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz

  Sorry – Buckcherry

  All I Wanted – Paramore

  Thinking Out Loud – Ed Sheeran

  All In – Lifehouse

  By Your Side – Tenth Avenue North

  Turning Page – Sleeping At Last

  Marry Me – Jason Derulo

  You & I (Nobody In The World) – John Legend

  A Thousand Years – Christina Perri

  Spotify link:

  http://open.spotify.com/user/12176731284/playlist/5kRMpLpA4VretzwytsqBtB

  August 2004

  Drops of sweat poured down my face as I waited by the bar for a drink. I was growing more and more irritated as the minutes went by. The extra effort I had put into my hair and makeup had now gone to shit by the heat and humidity of this dive bar. My damp hair clung to my forehead and the back of my neck. I had even broken out my push up bra, which made my double D’s look 3D in my black tank top. That backfired too, as I was sporting some serious boob sweat—not sexy at all.

  A crowded bar wasn’t for me. I liked a more subdued type of place, but a few friends of mine had been on my case to come out tonight. But that wasn’t the real reason I was here with extra makeup running down my face and my boobs hanging out.

  Lucas Hunter, the beautiful object of my unrequited affection for the past three years, had mentioned he would be there for a few farewell drinks and he’d ‘love it if I stopped by.’ He had found a job with one of the accounting big four firms in San Diego, and was leaving his job as college advisor. I couldn’t bring myself to think of Lucas not being around anymore. I had very little time left to shamelessly follow him around.

  My only saving grace for tonight was the music. Eighties and early nineties rock songs played on a continuous loop. One of my favorites, Heart’s Alone, blasted from the jukebox. Listening to it now seemed poignant as Ann Wilson belted out the words that described my life for the past three years.

  The wait for my Malibu and pineapple seemed to take forever. The female bartender was too busy feeling the biceps of the underage college boys ordering their drinks. I huffed as I tapped my foot.

  “C’mon, O’Rourke. Can’t you lighten up?” My friend Jason put his arm around me and I smiled in spite of myself. It was true. I was having a tantrum like a child, but my emotions were all over the place.

  “It’s just frustrating. All I want is a frigging drink.” I nodded at the full bottle of beer in Jason’s hand. “Of course you bat your eyelashes and get one instantly. She’s looking back at you, too.” I shook my head and laughed. Jason was a great looking guy, built with sexy hazel eyes—but she wasn’t his type. He preferred someone with less makeup and more penis.

  Jason shrugged with a smirk. “I guess the joke is on her, then. We’re seniors in a month, we’ve been dying for you to come out with us. Alexis isn’t even that weepy tonight. You look hot, so get your drink and have fun with us. You deserve to let loose a little bit. And the other thing that’s got you all worked up, I just saw him walk in.” Jason smirked as he swaggered away to where our friends were sitting. I took a deep breath and tried to get a better attitude.

  “Let me guess. Malibu and pineapple, right?” I was gutted by the deep voice that now broke my heart as much as it thrilled me. I spun around and found Lucas Hunter standing next to me in the smoky haze. Why did he always have to look so damn good? Even in the dimly lit bar, I could make out his piercing blue eyes. His sandy brown hair was tousled like he just got out of bed, and his black V-neck shirt stuck to every ridge and hard muscle of his torso. Lucas made sweaty look hot—really hot.

  “How did you know that?”

  “Daina told me that was your favorite drink when I made fun of her for ordering it at our cousin’s wedding. Wait here, Baby Girl. I’ll get it for you.” Lucas always had a way of swooping in and fixing things. I had the damsel in distress act down pat, always needing help with something. Lucas always came to my rescue and looked out for me. Now, he would be saving the day for some chick in California. Maybe I should’ve changed my order to a shot.

  Of course, Lucas had our drinks in under five minutes.

  “I’m glad you came out tonight. The company found me an apartment so I have to leave earlier than I’d planned to get settled.” Lucas took a long swig of his beer.

  “How much earlier?” I tried to keep the panic out of my voice as I slurped my
drink. Lucas was not my boyfriend. He had become a good friend over the years, but he was never attainable to me in any way, shape or form. But knowing I wouldn’t see or talk to him anymore made a lump form in my throat so large it was choking me. This reaction couldn’t be rational—or normal.

  “Sunday.” Lucas gave me a sad smile. Two days? That’s all I had? What if I finally told him how I felt and attacked his perfect lips the way I’ve wanted to for the past three years?

  I took a deep breath and grabbed Lucas’s arm.

  “Lucas, would you want to—”

  “There he is! Lucas! We’ve been looking all over the place for you!”

  Lucas’s friend Derek came over to pull him back with the group. He was good looking too, with his wavy black hair and over six feet in height. Too bad whenever Lucas was in the room, I didn’t see anyone but him.

  “Excuse me for a bit, Sam. Time to collect some free drinks from these slackers.”

  “Sure.” My voice was a low whisper, my body feeling the aftereffects of the adrenaline pumping in my veins. Trying to be brave made me weak in the knees and a little nauseated.

  No, no, no! I was doing this. For once I was going after what I wanted. No regrets!

  I headed to the back of the crowded room, just in time to see someone throw her arms around Lucas and kiss him—right on the lips. It was hard to tell who she was since I didn’t see her face, but she had a phenomenal body—at least from the back. So much for this being a night of no regrets. The blood in my veins ran cold as I backed away, shaking my head at myself for even trying.

  I moped back over to the bar and took a seat, putting my face in my hands. I needed to stop this—now. I was always a kid in his eyes—someone he called “Baby Girl” as a joke, or “Sam” like I was one of the guys. I needed to face the hard fact that I’d been denying for the past three years—that the way Lucas saw me was never going to change.

  Any time I spent with another guy never went past kissing. I didn’t give anyone a chance because I’d had Lucas blinders on for the past three years—and where did it get me? Absolutely fucking nowhere.

  “Hey, is this seat taken?” Marc, one of the guys I recognized from the few frat parties I attended took a seat on the stool next to me. He was about my height, five and a half feet-ish, with black hair and brown eyes. He wore a blue checkered shirt and khaki shorts, looking like he just came back from the beach. The last party I went to that was hosted by Marc’s frat, I remembered feeling like I was in the modern day version of the movie Animal House—and Marc was the reincarnated John Belushi.

  “No. Marc, right?”

  He nodded and smiled. Maybe he was a little cute at second glance.

  “And you’re Samantha. Nice to meet you. I’ve seen you around.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “You have?”

  “Well, sure. You’re hard to miss. I’ve seen you once or twice with Lucas Hunter. Please don’t tell me you’re a part of his entourage! Makes me sick how girls follow pretty boy everywhere around school. I hear he’s finally leaving.”

  “We’re just friends. He’s headed to California in a couple of days.” I tried to say it without sounding as devastated as I was.

  “Interesting. Anyway, enough about him. Tell me about you; where do you live?”

  “I live in the Bronx.” Marc squinted at me.

  “All the way up there? I’m guessing you’re a Yankees fan. I live in Queens. I usually don’t travel that far, or tolerate arrogant Yankees fans, but I’d make an exception for you.”

  “Should I feel lucky?” I rolled my eyes and went back to my drink.

  “You’re a spunky little thing. I think I need to take you out and see how feisty you really are.” Marc gave me a wink. It wasn’t as sexy as when Lucas did it, but I had to admit Marc was growing on me.

  “Could I have your number? There’s a good restaurant I know in Queens if you like Greek food. I’ll even drive across the bridge and pick you up. What do you say, Sam?”

  “Samantha. I don’t let anyone call me Sam.” That is, anyone except a gorgeous soon to be ex-college advisor who was taking that privilege with him across the country.

  It was time to stop fishing in the deep waters when it came to guys, and give someone who seemed to have an actual interest in me a chance. I glanced to where Lucas was standing with his arm playfully around the girl’s tiny waist. I looked away before I saw them kiss again.

  “Do you have a pen?”

  Marc’s eyes lit up as he reached in his pocket and handed me one. I grabbed a napkin and wrote down my number. He put the napkin in the front pocket of his shirt and patted it like he had something valuable.

  “Sorry, Sam. I got a little preoccupied back there.” Lucas came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder, making me jump.

  “No worries. It’s your last night out; you shouldn’t have to waste it with me.” I shrugged and turned back to Marc. I knew that seemed cold, and I felt awful. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t feel the same way, and he was never mean to me or acted like he didn’t have time for me.

  “Don’t be like that, Sam. You looked like you were about to say something —”

  “Jesus, pretty boy, do you have to lay claim on every girl?” Marc shook his head and got up from the stool, turning to me. “I’ll call you tomorrow and tell you what time I’ll pick you up.” Marc smirked at me and touched the bottom of my chin to make me look up at him. “Good night, beautiful.” I chuckled at his boldness and nodded.

  Lucas scowled at Marc as he strutted away to join the rest of his frat brothers.

  “You’re going out with Marc Christensen?!” Lucas had never raised his voice or looked agitated in front of me before. “Look, Sam, I would never tell you who to date, but I really don’t like —”

  “It’s only dinner. A girl’s gotta eat. It’s not like I’m marrying him or anything.” I shrugged and gave him a smile, still feeling bad because of the way I spoke to him. I stood up from my stool and moved closer to where he stood.

  Lucas shrugged and was about to say something else when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

  “Samantha, we need to leave. Tony is here with that bitch and I can’t stare at them all night.” My friend Alexis glared at the couple openly making out in the corner. I assumed that was her ex and his flavor of the month. Jason stood behind her, shaking his head.

  “Give me a minute; I’ll meet you outside.” Alexis let out a long sigh and nodded as she sulked her way out of the bar.

  This was it. This was goodbye. There was so much I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him how amazing he was and that I would never forget him, but the words wouldn’t come out.

  “So, I guess this is goodbye.” I looked up at Lucas and he shook his head.

  “I’m moving to San Diego, not another planet. I still have family here so I’ll always be back and forth. I’ll email everyone when I get settled.”

  I took a deep breath. “Thank you for everything. You’re an incredible guy, and I know you’ll kick ass in California. I was lucky to get to know you and be your friend.” I swallowed hard. Lucas was not going to see me cry, I wanted to walk away with a little bit of self-respect.

  Lucas smiled and held his arms out for a hug. I was more than willing to comply and held him tight to my body. If he was going to be a memory from now on, I wanted to make sure I remembered exactly what it felt like to touch him. He turned his head and gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek that made my knees buckle.

  “You’re pretty incredible, yourself. I have no doubt you’ll kick ass here, too.” He whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek again. I responded by kissing his cheek—and lingering. I had a feeling I would compare every kiss I had in the future to this moment, so I wanted to make it a good one.

  We let each other go and pulled back. I gave Lucas a sad little wave.

  “Have a safe trip, Lucas.” And a fabulous life. He gave me one more butterfly storm-inducing smile and backed away. The ‘pining for Lucas’
chapter of my life was, finally, officially closed.

  I turned to leave, and locked eyes with Marc by the door. He patted his pocket and smiled at me, making me laugh. Who was I if I wasn’t carrying a torch for Lucas Hunter? I guessed I was about to find out.

  Present Day

  Does anyone ever plan to settle? I know I sure as hell didn’t. I wanted love, passion, and a man who needed me more than he needed his next breath.

  What I got was a husband who couldn’t stand the sight of me. Marc wasn’t always this way. When I first met him he was cute, even a little charming. We dated for a few years, got married, and while my life was never a romance novel, Marc was a decent husband. I gave birth to our beautiful daughter, and suddenly Marc couldn’t stand being home. He had to be out; the walls of our home became a cage holding him back from the man he wanted to be.

  I glared at my husband, sleeping on the couch in his clothes from the night before at one o’clock on a Saturday afternoon. I wasn’t sure where he spent all his time these days. Asking where he was or where he was going usually lead to hour-long fights, and an Oscar worthy performance of “how hard it was to be unemployed and watch me leave the house every day.” Since losing his IT job a year ago, he’d been working freelance jobs here and there, but never anything permanent. I had suspicions that his attitude was the reason he was never asked to stay, not his performance. Thankfully, my marketing director job paid well enough to cover the bills. But instead of gratitude, all I got was resentment when I strolled through the door every night.

  He was constantly texting someone, saying he was “making contacts,” but I doubted new IT positions were the reason his phone vibrated into the wee hours of the morning. I heard a rumor or two about who Marc was really with when he was out all night, but when I confronted him, he grunted at me and shrugged it off. He claimed my friends were busy bodies with nothing else better to do than track him, but I never got a solid denial.