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  Her greeting was laced with genuine sympathy and concern. Brianna was effortlessly beautiful, with golden hair flowing down her back and warm, brown eyes. She had been the target of my rage since the day Josh came back into our lives. She never returned any of the venom I spewed in her direction, and even back then, I knew deep down she didn’t deserve it. My hatred evolved into tolerance, but lately the strongest emotion I’d felt toward her was gratitude. Josh somehow found the most forgiving and understanding woman on the planet to not only stay by his side after she learned he had a surprise kid, but to love his child without the slightest bit of resentment.

  I had a difficult time allowing a second strong mother figure in my daughter’s life. But now, I supposed, she’d be the first mother until the year ended. My gut twisted at the thought, but even though I wouldn’t be here, Victoria would have all the love and care I’d ever want for her while I did something for us and our future.

  This was only a year. I repeated the word “temporary” a thousand times in my head since awakening. One year. Two semesters. I could do this. All I had to do was kiss her goodbye and hit the road.

  But how?

  I followed all of them into her bedroom. They’d only just moved in but prepared for Victoria’s arrival quickly. My mouth fell open as I looked around the room. Her new bedroom was bigger than our old living room was, with Wonder Woman curtains and bedding, an adorable desk in the corner, and shelves that I was sure would be filled with toys and books the next time I came back. A lump formed in my throat so large it became difficult to breathe.

  I took in a quick breath through my nostrils and knelt before my daughter. She didn’t seem to notice the details of her amazing room, her eyes searching mine instead. I cupped her cheek and planted a kiss to her forehead.

  “This is an awesome room. You should thank Josh and Brianna for working so hard.” I lifted my head and gave them both a tight smile. A stopwatch ticked in my head. I was running out of time before I had a full breakdown and needed to make a quick exit. “Listen to your father . . . and Brianna. Be the good girl I know you are. I love you and I’ll call you when I get there.”

  She flung her arms around me and buried her face into my neck. Her tears dampened my shirt and tore my heart in half.

  “I love you, too,” she whispered in my ear.

  “Hey,” Brianna crooned as she crouched next to us. “You’ll see your mom on FaceTime in a few hours. It’s okay.” She rubbed her back as Victoria nodded without turning around.

  “I better get going.” I clutched her shoulders and eased her away. “Remember,” I kept my voice stern, trying not to collapse in sobs at the sight of her tearstained face. “Be good. I love you.”

  My voice cracked on the last word I would be able to say before the sobs rolled through me. I gave Josh and Brianna a quick nod before standing and heading for their door. The car was close, I needed a minute to get outside and jump in. I stabbed the unlock button with my thumb and reached for the door handle before a hand cupped my shoulder.

  “You need to do this.”

  I nodded in response, keeping my gaze forward and not turning to Josh’s voice.

  “For you, and for her.”

  I craned my head just as my first tear escaped. “That’s a great room.”

  Josh shrugged with a laugh. “I have a lot of time to make up for. I was happy to get the chance to do it. For both of you.”

  I huffed as I turned around and leaned against the car door. “The two of you are always so fucking nice.” We shared a laugh before my smile faded. “I don’t deserve it.”

  “Yes, you do. You took care of our girl—and now for the next year, it’s my turn.” He gave me a warm smile before he jutted his chin to the car. “Go. You have a long drive.”

  “I do. Thank you, Josh.”

  He waved me off before strolling back inside. I started the car and allowed myself to cry until the highway entrance. Josh was right. We deserved this.

  I owed it to both of us to find the guts to see it all the way through.

  Sara

  “WHAT’S YOUR NAME again, dear?” I sank my teeth into my bottom lip to delay my response enough to take the nasty edge off. After being in the car for four straight hours, I was exhausted and missed my daughter so much it hurt; I didn’t have it in me to be nice.

  “Sara Caldwell. My room is in this building. This is the on-campus housing, right?”

  Her lips pursed as she flipped through the file on her desk at a glacier’s pace. I was reminded of that movie Victoria loved with the sloths at the DMV, although they were a bit faster than this lady. The thought of my daughter and the wave of sadness that followed expelled some of the frustrated air from my lungs. I didn’t come all the way out here to be miserable. Patience, I needed patience.

  “Ah, yes, here you are. Second floor.” She pointed her bright pink fingernail to the flight of stairs behind her. I forced a smile and nodded a silent thank you before trudging up the stairs. I was sure I’d be one of the oldest students here because of my long absence from school. I had two years of culinary credits and managed to get into the accelerated program. I’d have my degree in a year and—God willing—a job paying well enough to support both of us. Then the real grunt work would begin, but I wasn’t afraid. To spend hours in a grueling kitchen learning something beat the hell out of jumping from table to table at one of my waitress jobs. I would have a career, not just a job. My fists flexed at my sides as I made my way up the stairs, excitement and terror rushing through me.

  My suitcase, duffel bag, and purse weighed on me with every step. How steep was this flight of stairs? By the time I arrived on the floor, I was a huffing and puffing sweaty mess. I dropped one of my bags and scoured every door for my room number when I plowed into something.

  “Sorry.” I lifted my head to a deep baritone and winced in embarrassment. The something was a someone.

  “No, it was my fault . . .” I trailed off. My tired eyes glossed over the full lips tempered by stubbled cheeks, thick black hair, and chocolate eyes and then landed on the broad chest I’d bumped into. My victim shot me a sly grin and shook his head.

  “I’m always in a rush and end up knocking someone over.” His throaty chuckle vibrated through me as his eyes searched mine. “Do you want some help?” He reached for the bag I dropped on the floor, but I jerked away, unsure of why I was so damn jumpy.

  “No, thanks. I just, um, need to find my room.” I took a wide step back, the heel of my sneaker catching on the edge of the bag and I—in torturously slow motion—fell back as I slipped on the fabric like a damn banana peel. Chiseled arms wrapped around me right before my backside bit the dust.

  “Easy there. Are you okay?” Concern flashed in his eyes followed by amusement, only adding to the humiliation. I grabbed onto his shoulders for purchase as I righted myself, too embarrassed to look him directly in the eye.

  “Yeah, sure. Sorry.”

  “I’ve never seen you before. You’re new here, right?” He tilted his head as he studied me.

  “Yes, why?” My eyes darted to his as I squirmed under his heavy stare. Five minutes here and I already made a complete idiot of myself, and this guy wasn’t letting me escape his hold. His strong hold against his hard body. Not that I noticed or anything.

  “I think I’d remember you.” A flirty smile curved his lips.

  I spied “226” over the stranger’s shoulder and let out a sigh of relief. “And there is my room. Thanks for your help.” A nervous laugh bubbled out of my chest as I grabbed my bags and skirted around him, this time unscathed. I didn’t understand why I was so damn flustered and blamed it on the long trip and my new role as a gasping fish out of water.

  “Have a good day,” I blurted before fishing the key card out of my pocket.

  “Drew.” I heard the smile in his voice before I turned around.

  “Excuse me?” I craned my head as I fiddled with the lock.

  “My name. It’s Drew. And you
are?” He cocked a sexy brow. Oh, for God’s sake.

  I didn’t have time for him, or this. This being men or socialization in general. I didn’t come this far to fuck around and fuck it up. Been there and done that and sure as hell wasn’t going back.

  “Sara. See you around.” I opened the door and rushed through, slumping against it as I tried to shake off the humiliation. I studied my surroundings; the two beds with a bathroom at the far end of the room. One side was already claimed, the bed furnished with a quilt and surrounded with pictures. I plopped my stuff on the vacant side and fell onto the mattress. Hopefully I’d feel less awkward once I found a routine, but uptight and standoffish were more or less who I was. At least that was what a prior manager had told me as part of a well-meaning “why don’t I loosen up” speech. I was always darting from one job to the next and had to manage where my kid was in between, so I didn’t have time for small talk.

  I’d held onto my bad attitude for so long, I had no clue how to be even a little social. I’d never cared about that, but I guessed now, if this was all going to work, I had to. I dropped my head into my hands and pinched the bridge of my nose. The mere prospect of it exhausted me.

  “Sara?” I lifted my head to the squeaky voice and click of the lock. “So nice to finally meet you!”

  Lisa, my new roommate, rushed over to me and tackled me with a hug before I could fully stand off the bed. She pulled back and grabbed me by the arms. “And you look normal! I haven’t had too much luck with roommates. Welcome! How was the drive from . . . Oh, God, I forgot where you’re from . . . Brooklyn?” She winced in shame and I couldn’t help but laugh. The glint in her hazel eyes seemed genuine and kind. It’d been a long time since I attempted to make an actual friend, and the few seconds in Lisa’s easy presence highlighted how lonely I really was all these years.

  “Queens. Long but okay. Happy to be here and get settled in.” I gave her a tired smile. “This is my first time living at school. I commuted in my first two years . . .” I trailed off, omitting the “before I got knocked up” part. It shamed me, but it was nice to just be Sara for a moment. Not Sara, the single mom with no family and hardly any friends.

  “I’m so psyched we have our own bathroom. I mean, they aren’t suites or anything, but this room already beats the hell out of where I stayed for the past three years. The building is co-ed, too, so that will take some getting used to.”

  “Right.” I nodded. I knew that but bumping head-on with an attractive man who most likely lived here had me a little twisted. Why couldn’t I have at least looked him in the eye? I’m sure he wouldn’t be the only good-looking guy here I’d put off by my prickly personality.

  “I’m starving,” Lisa groaned and pressed her palm to her stomach. “You’re in the culinary program, right? After we eat, I can show you the test kitchen. It’s where we have our lab classes, but you can use it on your own.”

  My eyes went wide as I gaped at Lisa. “You can use the lab kitchen anytime you want? My old school never let us do that.”

  “None really do. It’s an unusual perk, that’s for sure. They should put that on the Champlain College website. I go there a lot to practice or sometimes only because I feel like cooking something for myself. It’s pretty cool.”

  “A state-of-the-art kitchen I could cook in anytime I want . . . that is pretty damn cool.” I dug my palms into my legs and pushed off the bed. “I’m starving, but after we eat, I need to make a quick phone call . . . I promised my daughter I’d let her know when I got here.” My smile faded as I braced myself for the inevitable awkwardness.

  “Aw, how old is she? Do you have a picture?” Lisa’s smile was genuine and took me by surprise.

  “Um, yeah. She’s eight, almost nine.” I reached into one of my bags and dug out the framed photo of her and me at her last recital. She always resembled her father more, but I’d loved this picture because our smiles looked identical. I glanced at it with a wistful grin before handing it to Lisa. She was my happiness, my purpose, and the reason I was here. That needed to become my mantra for the next two semesters.

  “She’s so pretty! Looks just like you. I hope she comes to visit.” Lisa set the frame on the bare end table next to my bed.

  As I followed Lisa out of our room and descended the stairs behind her, I attempted to shelf the guilt for a bit and force myself to believe it was okay to be here. This wouldn’t be easy, but I needed to make the most out of this new turn my life had taken. I’d find a way to enjoy it all if it killed me.

  I could do this.

  Sara

  FOR THE FIRST couple of weeks, I was too busy to worry about fitting in. I was sure I’d forgotten the basics I’d first learned all those years ago, but I worked my ass off to remember. It was exhausting but fucking fabulous. The prospect of learning skills to earn a living—not holding a job—excited me. Or jobs, as the case used to be. The memories of my old life, although it wasn’t so old yet, exhausted me.

  Thursdays were my evenings off from my paid internship at McQuaid’s, a local restaurant affiliated with Champlain. I met quite a few culinary students there, working their way through school or doing an internship like I was. The salary wasn’t much, but I’d managed to qualify for free housing and was able to hoard every cent. I loved being a part of something, working toward something besides keeping my head above water. I missed Victoria like crazy and spoke with her every day, but I drifted off each night to an untroubled and satisfied sleep.

  My phone vibrated in my pocket after I shut the door to my dorm room after a full, but great day of classes. I didn’t recognize the email address popping up on the screen and was about to let it go to voice mail when I realized it was a FaceTime call. I pressed the button, a huge grin stretching my lips when Victoria’s adorable face filled the screen.

  “Hey, baby!” I crossed my legs under me and held the phone at eye level. “What number are you calling from?”

  “Mine!” She gave me a big smile. “Dad and Bri got me an iPad so that I could text you and FaceTime you whenever I want!”

  “That’s great—” My stomach dropped from my delayed reaction. Dad? When I left her a few weeks ago, she still called her father Josh. Why did hearing her call him “Dad” unnerve me so damn much? That’s what he was to her, right? Plus, for all intents and purposes, he was her main parent now. I should’ve been happy and relieved she was acclimating to her new normal so well. And I was, but the rotten, sour feeling—an emotionally bitter aftertaste—was hard to shake off.

  My daughter’s smile evaporated. I was ashamed whenever thoughts of how I’d behaved where Josh and Brianna were concerned fluttered through my mind. Whenever Victoria would try to talk to me about them, I’d shut her down, drilling it into her they would only be around temporarily. I thought it was the truth at first, but when I realized it was the opposite, full-on panic set in. She’d suffered enough for my insecurities, and so did they.

  “It’s good that you call him Dad. I’m sure he really likes that.”

  Her lips curved back up as she nodded. “I asked him at his birthday party, right before he asked Bri to marry him. She said I could be her flower girl!”

  I had to suck in my cheeks to keep my mouth from falling open. Of course they were getting married. They practically were already. Victoria had the perfect family now, married parents and all. I inhaled a quick breath as my nose burned. I’d struggled all those years to keep her fed and clothed, managing to somehow afford dancing classes as a treat. She had the perfect life now—a huge room, an iPad of her own, and two parents. She had it all, only she had it without me.

  Victoria frowned as she tilted her head at the screen. “Are you okay, Mommy?”

  “Of course!” I held in a laugh when her head jerked back in surprise at my boisterous reply. “This is all great. I just really miss you, that’s all. But Thanksgiving will be here before you know it, right? And now, we can talk all the time.” My voice squeaked as I laid it on as thick as I could without
bursting a blood vessel. Perky was never one of my personality traits, even before Victoria. I didn’t blame her for studying me with a confused gaze.

  “You’re sure, Mommy?” Her mouth twisted in a frown. The sorrow and guilt mashing together at once were about to suffocate me.

  “Absolutely. You’re going to be the prettiest flower girl in history. I can’t wait to see pictures. When are they getting married?”

  “Dad said soon. Bri is taking me to buy a dress tomorrow.”

  My gut twisted as I tried to think of a time I took my daughter to pick out a dress that wasn’t on sale. I skipped lunch the weeks before buying her dance recital costumes to make sure I could afford it.

  “I can show you tomorrow night!” Victoria broke the long silence.

  A sad smile lifted my cheeks as I shook my head. “I have to work tomorrow night. I’ll be home past your bedtime. Show me Saturday morning. Deal?”

  “Deal! How’s school? Is your roommate still nice?”

  “Lisa is very nice. School is fun.” I laughed at her disgusted scowl.

  “How could school be fun?”

  “When you get older, you’ll understand.”

  Her head twisted toward something behind her. Josh’s deep laugh mixed with Victoria’s whispers.

  “Couldn’t wait, huh, Sweets? Hi, Sara!” He waved a tattooed hand at me, and I couldn’t help but laugh at his goofy grin.

  “Hey, Josh. Congratulations.”

  His smile widened as he settled next to Victoria. “Thanks. Not exactly sudden, but it’s time. Can you come back for a weekend next month? You’re more than welcome to come.”

  Again, they were always too nice to me. If only once they’d told me to fuck off, my conscience would have been more at ease.

  “Thanks for the offer, but I work every weekend through Thanksgiving. I’ll look forward to the pictures.” My eyes met Victoria’s. She bounced next to her father, and as I looked between them, an unexpected warmth flooded my chest. Our struggles were just as taxing on her, even though she never made a peep about it. We were both happy in our new lives, and I hoped my time at school would eventually lead us to a place where we could enjoy all the things we’d missed together.