Always You Read online

  I crinkled my nose at the sad sight that was Marc. Shaking my head, I went into the kitchen to finish cleaning up from lunch.

  “Mommy!” Bella shouted to me as she ran down the stairs. “There’s a new Lego Friends princess castle! I just saw it on TV! Can I get it, Mommy? Please…” Bella bounced and folded her hands under her chin as if she was praying she’d get a yes from me. It was like pulling teeth to get her to speak at an audible level at times, so I loved seeing her more boisterous moments when she got excited.

  “Goddamn it, Bella! Can’t you see I’m trying to sleep? Don’t run around the house yelling like an animal. Jesus Christ.” Marc sat up from the couch, massaging his temples. Poor sleeping beauty was hung over.

  Bella put her head down and ran to me, clutching my hip as she quietly cried into my leg.

  “Most people don’t sleep until almost two in the afternoon unless they have a night job. I don’t think getting drunk with the guys counts as working. Bella shouldn’t have to tip toe around the house when everyone should be up.” I kept my voice even as to not upset Bella even more. Marc huffed and shook his head.

  “Can I be up for ten minutes before you start bitching?” Marc raked his hands over his face. I hoped he wasn’t about to puke, although rubbing his face in it would feel awesome right about now.

  I knelt down to Bella and pulled her hands from her face. I put my hands on her cheeks and rubbed the tears from her eyes with my thumbs.

  “I think I may have seen that castle in Target. After mommy’s Zumba class, maybe we can go check it out, and we can build it tonight … what do you think?”

  Buying my daughter big presents just because wasn’t the best way to parent, but when Marc had an outburst like that, I needed to make her forget it. It probably never worked completely, but I always had to try.

  She nodded furiously and a small smile appeared on her face. My gym had a day care so I always took Bella with me. She got to play with other kids, and I got to channel my frustrations into exercise. I tried to go every day, probably the reason why I wasn’t the Queens Lorena Bobbitt yet. My husband probably deserved most of the credit for getting me into the best shape of my life, even though I always heard comments from him about needing to stay there longer, or how I should stop “stuffing my fat face.”

  Up until this point, he was just a mopey crank. He’d never yelled at Bella like that before and I was going to make damn sure he wouldn’t again.

  “Why don’t you get dressed and I’ll call you when we have to leave?”

  Bella nodded and ran back upstairs, not once looking at her father.

  I marched over to Marc, still on the couch with his eyes closed and head laid back.

  “Get up!” I yelled right in his face. Marc jumped and rubbed his forehead.

  “Jesus, Samantha! Can’t you see I’m trying to—?”

  “Trying to what? Nurse a hangover? We’re supposed to feel sorry for you? You’re in your thirties and think you’re still a frat boy. You can say whatever you want to me, but don’t you ever talk to our daughter like that. Next time, you’ll be sleeping it off on the concrete outside, not on the couch. Grow the fuck up and try your best to hide what a jerk you are from Bella. You only actually see her for a couple of hours a day, so it shouldn’t be too hard.”

  Marc let out a deep sigh and got up. His face was almost contrite, but I didn’t buy it.

  “Look, Samantha—” I held my hand up. I grew up without a father, and I didn’t want that for Bella. But was having a father like Marc much better than having no father at all? I was in no mood to hear his latest excuse, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore the miserable way he was. I had tolerated it at first because I felt sorry for him after getting laid off from a job he’d had since college and liked. After being called a nag day in and day out, I started to believe that maybe I was; maybe I made him like this. For the past couple of months, though, it was more evident that the only person to blame for Marc’s behavior was Marc.

  Being married to him wasn’t how I wanted my life to be, but the thought of starting over was terrifying. Men didn’t line up to date a woman in her thirties with a small child. I didn’t have much with Marc, but I knew what I was getting. I fought the daily growing twinge in my stomach that soon I wouldn’t be able to pretend it was enough.

  Once I bought that castle, I could barely make it out of the Target parking lot before Bella begged me to start building. Marc had gone back out again by the time we got home, to where I didn’t know and really didn’t care. I ordered pizza, and we giggled as we connected all the little pieces to make the castle and the princesses who lived in it. My phone chimed with a notification. It had been awhile since I got a Facebook friend request, so I was a little curious. I swiped the screen and gasped when I read the name requesting to connect with me.

  Lucas Hunter. Holy shit.

  “Mommy, what’s wrong?” Bella frowned at me. I probably looked like I just saw a ghost.

  I guessed I did. A ghost from my past, the man I had wanted more than life for three straight years before he moved away. Since I was still best friends with his cousin, Daina, I asked about him every once in a while. Always still in San Diego, doing well at his executive accounting job, always dating but never serious—typical Lucas.

  Lucas and I were good friends back then, nothing more. He was always so nice to me and took me under his wing in college, making him that much more attractive to me. He helped me with my homework and cheered me on whenever I had a presentation or big test. He was a true friend in every sense, except for the fact I would spend half of our time together fantasizing how it would feel to explore his mouth with my tongue.

  My index finger shook as I pressed confirm. I intended to check out his profile as soon as I got Bella into bed. Admittedly, I’d searched for his name a time or two.

  My hand was still shaking as I tried to connect a part of the roof of the castle. I heard my phone chime again and jumped, making the Lego collapse like a house of cards. He wouldn’t have contacted me back so quickly, would he?

  “I’m sorry, baby. Mommy had too much sugar and is a little jumpy today.”

  I picked up my phone, and sure enough there he was.

  Lucas: Hey, Baby Girl! Glad I found you! Guess who’s back in New York? Daina told me you work on the East Side in the thirties, and that’s where my new office is. So how about a drink after work this Friday? I’d love to catch up. Let me know.

  I hated being called “Baby Girl” like I was a little kid, but secretly loved that Lucas had a nickname especially for me.

  Bella was supposed to have her first Daisies sleepover on Friday night. Her friend Julianna’s mom was picking her up from school and taking her home with them. Marc couldn’t care less where I went, and for the first time that felt like a good thing.

  Me: Sure. I get out of work around 6, so maybe 6:30? Let me know where you’d like to meet.

  Lucas: Awesome! How’s 31st and 5th? There’s a bar right next to the Starbucks on the corner.

  Me: Sure, see you then. Looking forward to it.

  Lucas: Me too!

  I was already trying on outfits in my head. I took a deep breath to ease the butterflies in my stomach. I hadn’t seen this guy in ten years, and a few messages from him had me all aflutter. This was just a drink, a couple of hours with an old friend—that’s all. So why was my pulse racing so fast I was out of breath?

  I was so screwed.

  I couldn’t believe it. Samantha O’Rourke had grown up to be a breathtaking, beautiful woman. The pictures she posted on Facebook showed how well she’d aged, but to see her in person was a completely different story.

  I noticed her sitting by the bar but didn’t walk over right away. I watched as she ordered a drink and crossed her long legs. Our eyes finally met and she gave me a big smile, but then looked down at the floor. I could tell she still had the adorable shy streak that made me give her the nickname she hated.

  When I called he
r “Baby Girl” she shook her head and gave me a hug. I tried to ignore how good her body felt when she pressed it against mine. She was married so I should’ve been appreciating her beauty from a distance. She was Samantha Christensen now, married to Marc Christensen, the biggest asshat student I knew back when I was a college advisor. I was more than curious to find out how the hell that happened.

  “You look incredible, Sam. Time has been great to you.” She gave me a little smile that didn’t make it to her eyes, like she didn’t believe me.

  “Thanks, Lucas. You look good, too.” I looked over her shoulder and noticed some guy sitting at the other end of the bar staring at her. I didn’t blame him, but I didn’t like it and asked her if she wanted to move to a table. She stood up from her seat at the bar, her perfectly toned legs and ass now visible under her tight black dress. My eyes traveled upwards and landed on the most perfect tits I’d ever seen. Unlike some of the women I knew in California who were that thin with breasts that big, Sam’s rack was natural. I’d never ogled her this much when she was in college. Get a grip, Hunter.

  “No Malibu and pineapple?” I pointed to the bottle of beer she was drinking as we sat down. Every time she put her lips to the bottle I felt a twitch in my pants.

  “This is kind of a sports bar, by the looks of it.” Sam crinkled her nose at me.” I was afraid I’d get laughed at. So, how was it being a Bronx boy in California?”

  I shrugged. “Not so bad.”

  She threw her head back and laughed. “Of course it wasn’t. I’m sure you fit right in with your sandy brown hair and year-round tan. How many girls did you have to fight off at the beach on a daily basis? I totally picture your life out there as a never-ending episode of Baywatch. I bet you even surfed.”

  “I tried surfing but I kept falling on my ass and figured it wasn’t for me, and I didn’t have to fight off too many.” I gave her a wink.

  “I’m guessing you didn’t try very hard, right?” She winked back.

  Look at this sassy little thing. I shook my head and laughed. Shy Sam had a little bite to her now. She was sexy, funny—and off-limits. This was beginning to suck a little.

  Three hours later, I couldn’t believe how fast the time had flown. We were both on our fourth round of drinks and I couldn’t remember laughing so much in one night.

  “Marketing director, that’s great! I’m not surprised; you were always smart, but never gave yourself any credit. I could tell you were going places back then.” Sam gave me a small smile and nodded.

  “Thank you. Took me a long time, but I’m happy I finally found a job I like with decent hours. Marc misses the days he only saw me for an hour at night because I was working late. I’m a real drag now that I’m home.” She ran her hand through her long chestnut hair and looked away.

  Sam was gorgeous and successful but had an underlying sadness and indifference when she spoke. I realized that was the first time she’d brought Marc up all night.

  What the hell? I’m going to ask.

  “I’ve watched men check you out all night. Marc must go ape shit when you go out.”

  “Marc likes to joke that guys may come up to me because of the big boobs, but would run away as soon as I started to talk so he has nothing to worry about.”

  How was it possible he’d become an even bigger fucking asshole than he was back then?

  “If a man got the attention of a woman like you he wouldn’t walk away so easily, I can definitely tell you that.” I put down my beer and silently cut myself off before I got too forward and made Sam uncomfortable.

  “Actually, women seem to flock to Marc when he goes out. At least that’s what I hear.” She shrugged and took a long drink.

  What the hell kind of alternate universe did Sam live in that Marc acted like he was the catch in their marriage? I got the feeling there was more to it than that to make Sam look so unhappy.

  “Sam, Marc should thank his lucky fucking stars a woman like you gave him the time of day, much less married him. If he doesn’t, he’s a douchebag who didn’t deserve you in the first place.” Shit. I went too far.

  Sam didn’t look mad at all. She leaned over and put her hand on top of mine.

  “Thank you for saying that.” There was a spark of electricity when she touched my hand and looked up at me with those big, light brown eyes full of unhappiness. I was feeling all sorts of things, most of all anger that Sam was treated so badly and didn’t seem to think she was worthy of anything better.

  Sam looked at her watch. “Crap, its ten thirty already?! The night seemed to go by fast, didn’t it?”

  It had. We’d been there for over four hours, and I wasn’t ready for it to be over.

  “I didn’t realize that, either. Let me walk you to the subway.”

  “That’s sweet, Lucas, but you don’t have to do that.” Yes, I did. I wanted that extra ten minutes with her, however I could get it.

  “I was raised a gentleman. A pretty girl shouldn’t be walking around by herself at night in the big city.” I reached out my hand to pull her up and she took it. It felt natural, and it felt right. But it wasn’t.

  I handed her my business card when we got outside. “Since we work so close, and I live in this neighborhood, too, no excuse to not hang out, right?”

  Sam nodded and reached into her purse. “Absolutely! Here’s mine. My cell is on it.” She pointed to Madison Square Park across the street. “I can’t believe they opened a Shake Shack in the park. I’ve always wanted to eat there. I hear the burgers are really good.”

  “You’ve never had Shake Shack? We have to rectify that immediately. Like next week.” We arrived at the top of the steps at the train station and she turned around to look at me.

  “Yeah, we’ll see. Anyway, thanks for a great night, Lucas. I had so much fun, and it was great to see you again.” We looked at each other and it was a little awkward. Like this was the moment for the date ending kiss. But we weren’t on a date—not really. Didn’t mean I didn’t want to kiss those full, red lips—because I did. And for a minute, she looked like she wanted me to.

  “Good night, Sam.” I leaned in to kiss her cheek—and lingered a moment. I thought I heard her gasp. She smelled so good.

  Sam gave me a warm smile. I couldn’t get over how damn beautiful she was.

  “Good night, Lucas.”

  I watched her as she headed down the steps to the subway. I wanted to see her again in the worst way. I hated seeing her look so sad, but she was married. Marc was a jerk, but there was a child involved and I was sure things were complicated, or else Sam would have left him. Starting anything with her, even a friendship, would be opening up Pandora’s Box.

  When I got back to my apartment, I took Sam’s business card out to get her cell.

  Me: It’s Lucas. Checking to make sure you got home OK.

  Her train was probably underground, but I was worried about her on the subway alone so late at night. Twenty minutes later, I heard my phone buzz.

  Sam: Thanks for checking. I’m home now. Hope to see you soon.

  Me: Shake Shack, Friday, 1PM

  Sam: OK. Sure. See you then ☺

  Alright, Pandora. Game on.

  I didn’t expect my reconnection with Lucas to go further than that one night. By the time I arrived home, we already had plans to see each other again. It had been almost two months since then, and we saw each other a couple of times a week and texted daily. Working in such close proximity, it was easy to run to Starbucks for a quick coffee break, or lunch when we weren’t too busy.

  After all this time, Lucas was still sex on legs. His sandy brown hair was shorter than I remembered, but still hung below his ears. He always had the perfect two-day beard growth that made him look downright delicious. I had to remind myself over and over again that we could never be more than friends.

  Falling back into our old friendship was easy. Lucas gave me advice about work and listened to me complain about Marc. I shouldn’t have brought him up, but he was g
etting progressively worse and I needed to vent to someone. Sometimes Marc didn’t come home at all. When he traipsed through the door the next morning he claimed he’d been staying at a friend’s house so he wouldn’t have to hear me nag. I could tell Lucas was holding in all he really wanted to say by the way his jaw clenched or he shook his head. But like the good guy he always was, he just listened, and tried to convince me that I wasn’t the problem. It was probably on the tip of his tongue to ask me how stupid I possibly was to stick around, but he was nice enough to keep it to himself.

  “How could you not watch Sons of Anarchy?” Lucas looked at me like I had three heads as he sipped his coffee. I got momentarily distracted as he brought the cup to his perfect lips.

  “I usually just read when I put Bella in bed. Other than reality stuff, I don’t keep up with much TV.” I shrugged as Lucas narrowed his eyes at me.

  “What kind of stuff do you read? Please don’t tell me you like the same smut my cousin does.”

  “It’s not all just smut. It’s romance. It’s a nice escape from real life—and don’t judge.” I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed.

  “Sticking your tongue out? Guess you told me.” Lucas’s mouth turned up in a smirk. I crinkled my napkin into a ball and threw it at him.

  “You should watch, Sam. It’s a perfect mix of sex and violence to keep the interest of both men and women. Hell, even I think Jax is a little dreamy.” He wiggled his eyebrows and I chuckled at him.

  “Fine, I’ll watch next week and give it a try. Speaking of reading, I need to see if that guy is selling Kindle covers in the street today. Bella broke mine while she was pretending it was a butterfly and dropped it.”

  “Hopefully it was off and she didn’t get to read anything. Not sure you want to explain that to the teacher. Didn’t you say she was the best reader in her class?”