After You Read online

  After You

  Copyright © 2017 by Stephanie Rose

  All Rights Reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted on any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locals is entirely coincidental.

  Except the original material written by the author, all songs, song titles, and lyrics contained in the book are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.

  Cover Design:

  Najla Qamber Designs

  Interior Design & Formatting:

  Christine Borgford at Type A Formatting

  Editing:

  Brenda Letendre at Write Girl Editing Services

  Proofreading and Line Edits:

  Mitzi Pummer Carroll

  Contents

  After You

  Soundtrack

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Epilogue

  Excerpt of Only You, Evan and Paige’s story

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  About the Author

  Books by Stephanie Rose

  Acknowledgments

  Hands To Heaven—Breathe

  You’re Beautiful—James Blunt

  human—Christina Perri

  How to Save a Life—The Fray

  Starving—Hailee Steinfeld

  Nothing Else Matters—Metallica

  Fix You—Coldplay

  What About Now—Daughtry

  Mercy—Shawn Mendes

  Hungry Eyes—Eric Carmen

  Vivir Mi Vida—Marc Anthony

  Moments—One Direction

  Make You Feel My Love—Adele

  You And Me—Lifehouse

  Almost Is Never Enough—Nathan Sykes, Ariana Grande

  Say Something—A Great Big World, Christina Aguilera

  Let Her Go—Passenger

  Marry You—Bruno Mars

  Can’t Help Falling in Love—Haley Reinhart

  Soundtrack available on Spotify

  To Ann Marie,

  My best friend, sister, and someone who’s known enough tragedy for three lifetimes.

  I hope this book wills the universe to deliver the happily ever after that you deserve.

  Dear Ellie,

  No, it’s not Valentine’s Day yet. And yes, I always told you it was a crock of shit instigated by Hallmark to sell more cards. But this year, I’m not taking anything for granted—not even a made-up holiday. Because let’s face it, these days the last thing I say, very well could be … the last thing I say.

  I remember the first moment I saw you. Funny how it was a Valentine’s Day dance. Evan thought it would be a good idea to go to St. Anne’s and try to meet new girls, even though he was panting after Paige day in and day out. So, we took the flyer from our cafeteria and showed up at your all-girls Catholic school dance like typical asshole teenagers. We leered at all the girls but never had the balls to talk to any of them. Then my eyes landed on the cutest little pixie—dressed head to toe in red, with red and white heart tights. Yes, I still remember the goddamn tights. For a bit of a thing, you had the longest and sexiest legs I’d ever seen—even if you did look like Punky Brewster.

  My cousin was always the annoying, hopeless romantic. Paige would insist with that blank, blissful look in her eyes that love, at first sight, could totally happen. I nodded and rolled my eyes at her like usual, but that night, when my eyes locked with yours, I knew. It was the thunderbolt my grandpa always told me about. He said you’ll never know when it will hit you, but when it does, you’re done for. I can’t wait to tell him he was absolutely right.

  From that moment on, you were mine. I waved off Evan and marched up to you. I tried to come up with a smooth line along the way, but as I approached a slow smile spread across your beautiful face and all the words caught in my throat. You laughed and said, “What took you so long?” You had my number before I even spoke to you.

  Although we promised to always belong to each other, that’s null and void once I’m in a plot at St. Raymond’s Cemetery. I don’t want you to be alone. If you meet someone you think you could love, do it. Go. It’s not as if I’d be alive anymore. If I were, I’d be pretty pissed off, but I sure as hell know I won’t be able to give you what a living human being can. Don’t fight me. Just nod. Take a look at my Aunt Tess. Don’t let me die thinking that’s your future. You can’t do that to me.

  I guess what I’m trying to say is: I love you. I love you more than I ever thought possible to love anyone. You lit up my every day, even in the darkest moments. I’ll love you from wherever I’m going.

  You’ll always be my Valentine. I didn’t need a Hallmark card to tell you that.

  Love always,

  Jack

  I’D ALWAYS LOVED weddings. Even as a little kid playing flower girl at my Aunt Dawn’s wedding, I was all about love and romance. Ever since I could remember, I rated movies by romantic grand gestures and breathtaking kisses. So yes, I was a lifelong romantic. When I fell in love, even though I was only a teenager, it was cinematic perfection. For most of my life, I was lucky enough to live out my fairy tale—and it was beautiful.

  Until it was gone.

  Now … well … Now was different. When fate ripped away your perfectly scripted happily ever after, events like weddings were pretty much like everything else—hollow. When your prince was in a cemetery instead of right by your side, where he swore he’d always be, it made even the most romantic of souls cynical and bitter.

  But I had to shove that away today. Today, my two best friends were getting married. They fought like hell to get here, and I refused to be anything but elated for them both. I plastered on the biggest grin I could muster until my cheeks ached to give them the day they deserved.

  Even though Jack should have been Evan’s best man. Even though he should have shared a dance with the cousin he loved like a sister on the most important day of her life. At least he saw them fall in love. In fact, he predicted this day before anyone else did. My husband always worried about Paige and died content in knowing she had someone who loved her enough to overlook the “stupid shit she liked to pull.”

  I strolled down the long hallway to the dressing room they were calling the bridal suite today. Evan and Paige put their wedding together in a couple of weeks. The owner of the restaurant was a long-time customer of Taylor’s Flooring, the company Jack owned and left to Evan. Although it wasn’t the biggest of places, it had good food and a room with a dance floor. The wedding itself was more for show, as they were both perfectly happy trudging down to City Hall and saying vows in front of a judge. Paige’s mother wasn’t having any of that, but Evan refused to wait any longer to marry his “Daisy.” After an awful lupus flare had brought Paige to the ICU last year, Evan told me he was done wasting any more time. I was sure Jack’s death had a little to do with that, too. Since he was first diagnosed with leukemia, Jack’s favorite line used to be ‘live for today.’ I had a hard time abiding by that as, other than my son, there wasn’t anything about any day to live for.

  Since Jack’s funeral, I ‘got by’ more than I lived.

  “Paige?” I tapped on the door and inched it open.

  Paige’s back was to me, her long blonde hair flowing down her shoulders in loose curls. Her folded hands were pressed against her lips as her elbows rested on the vanity. She turned her head, and her body jerked when she saw me standing there.

  “Geez, Ellie.” Paige’s emerald eyes were glassy as her lips tilted in a smile. “Those tiny feet make you a great ninja.” A tear escaped the corner of her eye, and she swiped it away as though she were adjusting her makeup.

  “Yeah, we little folk are sneaky. Are you okay?” Paige turned away from me as she nodded a little too quickly.

  “Fine. I guess this is all hitting me. I’m actually getting married, Ellie. After all this time, after all I put Evan through, it’s surreal to be this happy, you know?” Paige looked into the mirror and smoothed the tendrils of hair framing her face. Her lacy strapless dress hugged every curve perfectly. Evan would melt the second he laid eyes on her.

  “You sure that’s it?” I settled on the chair next to her and brushed the hair off her shoulder.

  “I … I can’t bother you wit
h this, Ellie.” Paige reached for her lip gloss and tried in vain to coat her lips with a steady hand.

  I laughed to myself. I was Jack’s widow, but most definitely not the only person affected by his loss. But since I was his wife, everyone thought my grief outranked theirs and were afraid to mourn him in front of me. I supposed if my son were older than a baby and remembered his father, they would treat him the same way.

  “Try me.” I propped my elbow on the vanity and rested my chin on my hand, lifting an eyebrow.

  Her chest heaved as she drew in a deep breath. “He’s supposed to be here! We did everything together! Communion, confirmation, every graduation, we shared the same birthday for Christ’s sake. This is the most important day of my life, and where the hell is Jack?” Paige pinched the bridge of her nose as a sad chuckle fell from her lips. “And the funny part is I’m actually mad at him for that. Like really pissed off, as if he died on purpose. I need fucking help.” Her jaw clenched as she shook her head. “I’m sorry, Ellie.”

  I nodded and put my arms around her shoulders. “You and Jack grew up like twins. Closer than any siblings I ever knew. Today is your wedding day. I’m so sorry he’s not here to celebrate with you because I know there is nothing he would have loved more than to see you marry Evan. He loved you so much, and you loved him. I’ll let you take the grief baton for the day.”

  Paige burst out into giggles and dropped her head to the table. I kissed the top of her head and pushed her back.

  “Now stop! You don’t want to ruin your makeup.”

  “Ellie, I think they put this shit on with a roller. I’ll be scrubbing it off for days.”

  I laughed and rose from my seat. “I’ll go find Evan and your uncle and tell them you’re ready.”

  Paige picked up her bouquet of daisies and ran her fingers along the delicate petals. She nodded with a wistful smile. “I sure am.”

  I left Paige and sauntered down the hallway to the banquet room. Everyone was in place, including the jumpy groom pacing around the entrance.

  “Hey, Evan.” My eyes widened as I took in the sight of him. “You could seriously stop traffic in that tux.”

  Evan gave me a sheepish grin and shrugged. He had no clue how devastatingly handsome he was in just work clothes and a tool belt. In a black on black tuxedo that fit his body to perfection, he was outright stunning. I smiled, remembering the tall and lanky kid I first met in high school. He was a sweetheart even then, and after the tough life he had, I was delighted he finally got the girl he always wanted.

  “How’s my Daisy?”

  “She’s good. Excited to marry you. Sad about Jack not being here to see it.” I pursed my lips, and Evan gave me a sad nod.

  “She’s not the only one.” He let out a long sigh. “Jack was always there, and I took for granted he always would be. But I think he’s here today. He told me he wouldn’t miss it.”

  I let out a sad chuckle. “He told me the same thing.”

  Evan’s lips ticked up in a smirk. “I may have proof.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a white piece of paper and handed it to me.

  “What’s this?” My brows pulled together as I spied Evan’s smile.

  “The owner gave us all the alcohol today for free, as a gift for all the work we’ve done for them over the years. Jack told me he would turn water into wine at our wedding, just like Jesus did. I’m reaching, but I’m taking this as confirmation that my best man is right by my side today.”

  A tear snuck up on me and rolled down my cheek. That was the kind of man Jack was. If there was any way he could be here today, he would. And turning water into wine would totally be his MO.

  I almost lost it when Evan and Paige teared up at the first sight of each other as her uncle, Jack’s father, walked her down the aisle, and then again when Evan sang in her ear as they danced. They were completely in love, and even though I was so happy they found their way back to each other, it made the loneliness I thought I’d gotten used to palpable and stifling. Sadness washed over me and left me strolling around in a haze. I needed to accept that that part of my life was over. Yes, I was only in my thirties, but I didn’t want anyone else but Jack—and couldn’t see how that would ever change.

  “C’mon, Mrs. Taylor! Time to cut a rug.” Jack grabbed my hand and twirled me around before pulling me flush to his chest.

  “Cut a rug? Did you join the Rat Pack?” I let a smirk twist my lips as he laughed in my ear.

  “There’s a new generation of timeless swagger—Harry Connick, Jr., Michael Buble, me. It’s rumored that Frank Sinatra was a distant cousin on our Italian side. You married into coolness.”

  I brought my eyes to his and shook my head, wrapping my arms around my new husband’s neck as we swayed back and forth. Cameras flashed in my peripheral vision. There was nowhere else to look except for Jack’s piercing blue eyes.

  “You’re so humble.”

  We stopped dancing as his heated gaze speared me in place on the dance floor. He dipped me for a long passionate kiss, causing a symphony of whistles and cat calls from our wedding guests.

  “I’m so lucky,” he murmured against my lips.

  I grabbed my coat and strolled out to the courtyard in the back. White lights draped over the outer gates and twinkled against the darkness. In the warmer months, it would be beautiful to enjoy, but for right now in late January, it was cold and spooky. I settled myself on the cold concrete bench next to the glass door. As hard as I fought not to crumble, I was only human. At the end of the day, I was a girl who loved a boy her entire life, struggling to function in a world without him.

  “Friend of the bride or groom?” I jumped at the deep timbre of the voice beside me. I was so into my thoughts I didn’t hear anyone approach.

  “Um, both, I guess. Paige is family and Evan is a close friend.” I lifted my head to the man towering over me. The light was at his back, blocking the features on his face.

  “Mind if I sit?” He motioned to the empty space on the bench beside me.

  I shook my head and shrugged. “No, go right ahead.” He settled next to me, and I felt even smaller than usual. His large frame dwarfed mine.

  “Nick … I’m a college friend of Evan’s.” He extended his hand, and I raised my eyes to him as I took it. Even in the dim lighting, I could make out his warm but striking dark eyes. “Seeing him finally marry Paige was worth a trip from Florida for me.”

  I chuckled and nodded. “Ellie. Everyone seemed to know but her.”

  Nick let out an exaggerated sigh. “If I had a dollar for every time I said ‘Just tell her,’ I’d be rich.” He shook his head and laughed. “So, what is a beautiful woman like you doing out in the cold all by herself?” He raised an eyebrow, then held his gaze on me as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. The light illuminated the strong planes of his jaw and full lips. Despite being in the throes of my personal pity party, I couldn’t help but like what I saw.

  I exhaled and stared at the ground. “I needed a little air, I guess.” I stuffed my hands under my folded arms, but it didn’t make one ounce of difference. I was freezing my lonely ass off.

  “You’re shivering. Know where it’s nice and warm?” Nick cocked his head.

  “Where?” I squinted my eyes and shrugged.

  “The bar inside. Have a drink with me?” He rose from the bench and extended his hand to me. I jerked away on instinct.

  It was on the tip of my tongue to say, ‘No thank you, I’m married,’ but … I wasn’t, was I? And I’d spent enough time feeling sorry for myself tonight. My toes were frozen inside my high heels, and an alcoholic beverage with an attractive man who didn’t regard me with pity in his eyes sounded lovely.

  “Sure.” I slipped my hand inside his and followed him inside. I craned my head around the mostly empty restaurant. Evan and Paige were long gone, starting their lives together. I hoped the rest of their lives were longer than the one I had with Jack.