Finding Me Page 12

  I held my hand out. “Abso-fucking-lutely.”

  I’d never planned for an NHL career. Even though I loved playing, I always kept up with my grades since I never expected anything to come of it. I liked the business aspect of sports and even looked into public relations internships with a few teams for the summer. The crushing disappointment I felt right now was an unexpected emotion I hated for a number of reasons. I had let myself want it and get excited about the opportunity, only to feel like the world’s biggest failure when it slipped right out of my fingers.

  My phone buzzed across the table and Bella’s name flashed on the screen. She was at an Honor Society event and couldn’t be at the game, which was just as well. Having the girl I love take a front seat at one of the lowest moments of my life would have been too much to handle. I’d have been double fisting beers in between shots.

  “Hey, City.” I cringed at the pity worthy monotone voice that came out of my mouth.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I saw the score on Twitter. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. Let me finish up here and I’ll head straight over. Seth said he’d give me a ride.”

  “You had a long day, too. And I’m pretty shitty company tonight. Andy and I are going to drown our regrets in beer for the next two hours and then pass out.”

  “You sure? I can come straight there if you need me.”

  I did need her. I always needed her. But I didn’t want to bring her down tonight, or have her see me like this.

  “I’m sure, baby. I love you. We’ll talk tomorrow morning, okay?”

  “I love you, too. Call me if you change your mind.”

  I ended the call and downed the fresh beer Andy placed in front of me. From the second I met Bella, I wanted to be better at everything just to be worthy of her. I loved the adoring looks she gave me, even when I teased her. I couldn’t handle a look of pity from her tonight.

  “We only have five beers left. Do you know where we put the shot glasses? I’m pretty sure we have tequila someplace.” Andy gazed around the kitchen.

  “We don’t need glasses. Drink straight from the damn bottle. We have Triple Sec and Patron in the cabinet.” It was funny how we had that, but had to order out for food the past three days.

  “Hey, guys!” Ethan burst through the door followed by Richie. Andy and I shook our heads and shot Ethan a nasty glare. I wanted to punch Richie’s face on a good day. He was the last person we needed in this apartment tonight.

  “C’mon!” Richie sauntered over to the table and dropped his hand on my shoulder. “We can lick our wounds all night, or we can have a little fun. I even brought a few friends with me.”

  Stepping through the door were Christine and a few other girls I didn’t recognize.

  “Don’t worry, they brought their own liquor. We could have a pity party, or we could have a party. Your choice, bro.” Richie slapped my back and headed to the couch. He squeezed himself in between Christine and her friend and put his arms around them both. Fucker let four goals get past him today but was celebrating like a hero. I needed to get away from him and everything else about this shit day.

  I turned to Andy. “I’ll take the Patron, you can have the Triple Sec if you want.” He handed me the bottle and I trudged down the hall to my room. I wasn’t interested in a party with random girls, and most definitely didn’t want to spend any more time with Richie than I had to. Ethan would hear about not bringing unwanted guests over to the apartment tomorrow. Right now, I didn’t have the energy or the desire to speak to anyone. I peeled off my shirt and crawled onto my bed, toasting my chance at what could have been.

  Bella

  SETH SLID ONTO THE BAR stool next to me. “What can I get you? Shirley Temple?”

  I jabbed his ribs with my elbow. “Jack and Coke, but if you’re worried about encouraging underage drinking, Coke is fine.”

  “I’ll get you the Jack. Thanks for all your help today. We’re actually ahead of schedule. I’m not used to being mostly done two weeks before the fair.”

  I nodded and glanced at the blank screen on my phone. I shot Owen a text, but maybe he really did pass out early. I was worried about him but respected his wishes to be left alone. The heartbreak in his voice killed me.

  “Sucks about the game. Owen would have been a fantastic choice for the draft. Too bad they saw him on an off day. You never know, scouts could come back.”

  The bartender set my drink in front of me and I took a satisfying slurp from the tiny black straw, all the while fighting the urge to hop in a cab and head straight to Owen’s apartment to check on him. “He wanted this so badly, even though he tried to hide it. I hope you’re right.” And I did. All I wanted was for him to be happy, whether that was behind a desk or on the ice. Wherever he ended up, I would shove down my stupid insecurities and deal with it. If anyone deserved to have what he wanted, it was Owen.

  “Owen and I were talking about you the other day.” Seth gazed at me as he took a long swig of beer.

  I squinted back at him. “You were?”

  “Yeah. It’s probably not my place to say, but he’s got it pretty bad for you. He said he was trying to find a way to close the distance between Queens and Savannah.”

  I took a deep breath. Wouldn’t that be nice?

  “Yeah, but unfortunately you can’t.” I shrugged and went back to my half-finished Jack and Coke. The warmth from the whiskey traveling down my chest relaxed me a bit, but my mind was still on Owen.

  Seth nodded. “I hear you. My girlfriend goes to Stanford. At least you see Owen during school for now. I see Ana four times a year. It’s tough, that’s for sure.”

  “How long have you been together?”

  “Since senior year of high school. All the guys ride me about the ball and chain back home, but if you really care about someone, you won’t be tempted by cheap substitutes. We make our time together count the best way we can. That’s all you can really do.”

  It was comforting to hear Seth and his girlfriend could survive the distance between them and were still going strong after three years. I always wanted a relationship like Mom and Lucas had. They were that special ideal couple that made everyone jealous. Thanks to the bomb Marc dropped into my lap about them, it hurt not to look at them in the same way anymore.

  “Hey stranger!” I turned to see Laura and Kristy weaving their way through the crowd. “Between Owen and the Honor Society, I never get to see you anymore.” Laura pursed her lips at me.

  “I’m sorry. I wish there were more hours in the day. Tonight I’m all yours! Laura, Kristy, this is Seth.”

  Seth nodded in their direction, and Kristy’s eyes grew wide. She raised her eyebrows in question, and I sadly shook my head.

  “Damn,” she mouthed at me. I chuckled as she scowled back.

  “I better get back, Bella. You ladies have fun.” Seth offered Laura his seat and waved goodbye.

  “He’s hot. Maybe I should get my finance grades up!” Kristy’s eyes danced as she plopped on the stool next to me.

  I frowned and shook my head. “He’s the exception. Most of the guys in Honor Society are your typical math nerds.”

  “I’m surprised you’re not at Owen’s tonight.” Kristy’s brow furrowed as she tried to call the bartender over.

  I shrugged as I finished my drink. “He had a tough day. The team had a big loss with a scout in the stands.” I glanced at my phone. Still no response.

  “Hey Bella!” Jaimee threw her arm around my shoulder as she leaned against the bar. “I’ve been dying for a girls’ night out. What’s that? Jack and Coke? Throw one of those my way!”

  “That really sucks about Owen, Bella. I thought you said he didn’t want to go into the NHL.” Laura called the bartender over to take their order.

  I shrugged. “He said he didn’t, but when he heard the scout was coming he admitted he considered it. He grew to really want it, but he doesn’t think the scout will come back after such a bad loss.”

  “I could totally see Owen in
the NHL. He has lots of experience dodging the puck bunnies up here. He’s ready to go national, I think.” Kristy smirked as the bartender set down their drinks.

  “Way to make me feel better, thanks!” She snickered as I nudged her arm.

  Our big night out lasted two hours. We were all exhausted, and my head was miles away.

  “If Owen did get drafted into the NHL, what do you think you guys would do?” Laura asked as she settled in her bed.

  “He said it didn’t matter. That time and distance didn’t mean a thing when it came to us.” I turned off the lamp on my nightstand and fell back on my pillow.

  “I didn’t ask what Owen said. I asked what you thought you guys would do.”

  “I’d like to think I agree with him. I know it seems quick, but I can’t picture my future without him in it. If he was drafted in the NHL, I’d be a little anxious, but I wouldn’t stop him. He deserves to have what he wants. We’d work it out.”

  “I think you’re what he wants. So you have nothing to worry about.” Laura let out a long yawn. “Good night.”

  I’d let Owen sulk for the night, but the second I got up, I’d be there for him—whether he liked it or not.

  The apartment complex was eerily quiet. Cars I didn’t recognize lined their driveway, blocking the truck the guys shared. Maybe the team came here last night to wallow together. I rang the doorbell with an elbow and tried to balance two cups of coffee and a bag of bagels. Finally after three rings the lock clicked and the door creaked open.

  “Richie? What are you doing here?” His eyes were half closed and his usually slicked back hair stuck up in every direction on his scalp.

  “Hey, Bella. Nice of you to bring breakfast.” He grabbed the white paper bag from my hands and reached in for a bagel. Even with half closed lids, the suggestive sweep of Richie’s gaze down my body made me want to vomit. Owen hated the sight of him, so what the hell was he doing here?

  “All the guys had a rough night. Especially Owen.” He snickered and opened the door wider for me to come inside.

  I climbed the stairs and almost tripped over an empty beer bottle on the landing. It rolled and clanked with another one near the doorway of their tiny kitchen. I recognized a few of the guys on the hockey team passed out on the couch, a couple with girls draped over them. They had a party. Owen said he didn’t want me to come over because he wanted to drink with Andy and pass out, but they had a frigging party instead.

  I stomped my way to Owen’s room. I’d give him time to explain before I wrung his neck. The door was slightly ajar, and Owen was still passed out, snoring softly on his side. I exhaled in relief until I noticed an arm draped around his waist. I moved closer and my gut twisted when I recognized Amber’s auburn hair fanned across his pillow. She cuddled more into his back, and my body froze. Amber was even on my usual side of his bed.

  He told me he wanted nothing to do with her. He only wanted me. Promised me. Pain winced across my chest at the reason they were probably so exhausted they were still sleeping at ten o’clock. The pain turned to rage—white hot and blinding. Again. I let this happen to me again. How fucking stupid could I be? Not like my douche canoe ex, right. Staring at a picture on my phone was eons away from seeing the guy I loved in bed with someone else right in front of me. My chest heaved and my hands shook.

  “I’m sorry, Bella. You deserved better than that.” Richie’s soft voice sounded almost sincere. “I can take you back to the dorms if you want.” He came up behind me and gave my shoulder a squeeze.

  I flinched from his grasp and threw both coffee cups on the floor. All the rage inside me only made a soft thump on the carpet. I slammed Owen’s door behind me and didn’t meet Richie’s gaze as I stormed past him and down the stairs. I ran out the front door and slammed that one, too. I was sure my legs would give out as I rushed back to my dorm. I made it inside the empty room and slid down the door as I collapsed in sobs.

  I’d learn to live without men. Between Christian, Owen, Marc, and even Lucas, I didn’t know one man I could trust. Words were petty, and actions said it all.

  When you don’t let anyone in, no one can hurt you. Apparently, I needed to be taught that lesson twice for it to sink in. But breaking up with Christian didn’t feel remotely as awful as this did. He hurt me, but we had a puppy kind of love. The kind kids have for each other when they don’t know anything different. I knew different. I knew wonderful. But at the end of the day, being played like this proved I didn’t know a damn thing.

  Owen

  FUCK. THE PATRON FELT GOOD going down, but tasted like shit when it tried to come back up. In a single night of drinking alone, I went from NHL hopeful to hungover idiot. I sat up and swung my heavy legs over the edge the bed.

  A female purr came from behind me. I blinked my eyes as I craned my aching head to peer over my shoulder.

  “Mornin’, sunshine.” Amber stretched her arms out. The sheet covering her inched down below her breasts. Panic flooded in my system at a naked Amber in my bed. I had no recollection of anything. I killed the bottle and didn’t remember a thing after.

  “You were sleeping by the time I got here last night. I heard you needed cheering up, so here I am. I can make you feel better.” She reached for me and I yanked my arm away.

  “Are you fucking crazy? You can’t be here. I have a girlfriend.” My breath was shaky as I tried to fight a wave of nausea. There were voices I didn’t recognize coming from the kitchen. I had a house full of people and a girl in my bed who wasn’t Bella. I needed to find Bella and tell her everything before some random big mouth who was still here decided to spread a vicious rumor. My foot squished on wet carpet as I stood.

  “I wouldn’t worry about that.” Richie stood in my doorway with a shit-eating grin.

  I glared at him and my eyes squinted from the sunlight peeking in through my blinds.

  “You just missed her. Poor thing came here to bring you breakfast this morning, and was greeted with quite a sight when she opened the door. She was so mad she threw both cups of coffee.” He snickered at me and shook his head. “I offered to take her back to the dorms, but she ran out of here pretty pissed off. Her slamming your door probably is what woke you guys up.”

  Jesus. Bella was here. She saw Amber—naked and in bed with me. Shit. My blood ran cold. I needed to get to her, somehow explain … Fuck! There was no explaining this.

  “I should stop by later to check on her. I heard …” He walked over to me while scratching his chin. “The smart ones, when they get angry, are real tigers …”

  My vision went red as I lunged at him. Blood oozed out from his nose after I landed a punch to his face, but I wouldn’t let up. He managed to get me across the jaw before Ethan tore into my room and pulled me off him.

  “Stay away from my girl!”

  Richie laughed as he wiped his face with his sleeve. “She’s not your girl anymore though, is she?”

  I turned back to Amber, still on my bed and still naked, not getting the hint at all. “Put your clothes on and get out.” I stormed through the hallway and into the living room. People were still waking up on my couch, but I was ready to blow. “Everyone! Out! Now!” Jackets were shrugged on and the screen door slammed open and shut. I winced at the sharp pain in my head exacerbated by every noise in the room. I leaned against the wall, fighting like hell to not cry like a baby or throw up.

  Ethan shoved me into the kitchen after he threw Amber and Richie out. He opened the freezer and stuffed ice cubes into a Ziploc bag. Even the rustling clatter of ice was enough to make me shut my eyes in pain. “Here.” Ethan placed the ice on my aching jaw and pulled my hand to my face to hold it there. “Look, I’m sorry, Owen. I didn’t think, and should’ve known better than to bring Richie here. Then one person after another came over and I should have told Amber to leave.”

  “No,” I whispered back. “You didn’t think.” I staggered over to the table and plopped into a seat. “She is never going to believe me. I love her, Ethan.
Really fucking love her.” My jaw and my head were having a battle as to who could pound harder.

  Ethan nodded and came over to where I was sitting. “I know, man. You’ll get her back.”

  I needed to gather up the strength to find Bella and convince her that this morning wasn’t what it looked like. I’d lost the NHL, but now I didn’t give a shit. Hockey was just a game, but Bella was my whole damn life.

  We weren’t over. We couldn’t be. Over wasn’t an option.

  I ran to Bella’s dorm and snuck in the building’s side entrance before heading to her room on the second floor. Laura stopped in her tracks when she noticed me and blocked the door to their room.

  “Oh no.” Laura shook her head as she glared at me. “No way am I letting you in here. Leave before she hears you.”

  “Laura, I need to talk to her. What she saw … wasn’t what she saw. Just let me in.”

  “You mean what she and half of Culver saw wasn’t what she saw?” Laura crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at me.

  My brow furrowed as I gazed back at Laura. “What do you mean half of Culver?”

  “Amber took a bed selfie of you guys together and posted it to Snapchat this morning. Bella’s phone has been blowing up ever since. She’s seen the picture three times already. Bad enough she had to see it in person.” Laura let out a sigh and shook her head. “How could you do this to her?”

  “I didn’t do anything to her! I was passed out and Amber crawled into bed with me.”

  Laura pursed her lips and rolled her eyes at me. “Did she ever tell you about Christian?”

  “No. Who’s that?”

  “Her ex. They were together for three years and he cheated on her. Very publicly.”

  “What do you mean by publicly?”

  “His new college girlfriend posted a picture on Facebook of them sucking face. Her entire high school knew before she did. The whole thing made her miserable at home but she found solace here. And now, you just multiplied what happened to her by a thousand. So no. You can’t see her. Not on my watch.” Laura glowered at me as she plastered herself to the door.