Finding Me Page 11

  “Hey Bella, wait.” Seth was the president of this chapter and led the meeting. He looked the part of a financial Honor Society president: dark hair cut short and styled within an inch of its life, and a polo shirt paired with khakis. He was a preppy kind of cute, and seemed like a nice guy. He chatted with me for a few minutes before the meeting and shared how Professor Sherman all but forced him into the chapter as a freshman, too.

  I turned in the doorway of the classroom at Seth’s voice. “What’s up?”

  He nodded to the hallway. “Don’t let them intimidate you. This is kind of like Survivor, Nerd Edition.” His lips twitched and I laughed. “When a younger, exceptionally smart member joins, it ruffles some feathers. They’re not bad people; they get over it.” Seth accompanied me down the stairs and out the door.

  “You’re OT’s girl, right?”

  I chuckled and nodded. “My boyfriend’s legendary reputation proceeds me I guess.”

  “He is a little high profile.” He bumped my shoulder. “Owen is a stand-up guy. There’s more to him than just hockey. He’s been a friend of mine since we were freshmen. All the girls just see ‘OT’.”

  I huffed out a short laugh. “Ain’t that the truth?”

  “Hey, there she is!” Speak of the devil. Owen slid his arm around my waist and kissed my cheek. “Hey man, how are you?”

  Seth shook Owen’s hand. “I’m good. Your girl has the Honor Society quaking in their boots. She’s younger and smarter and none of them know what to do with that.” Seth gave me a smirk.

  “Damn right, she does. They can’t handle that big sexy brain of hers.” Owen pulled me closer and pressed a kiss to my neck.

  My cheeks heated as Seth laughed. “I’ll let you guys go. See you Thursday, Bella.”

  “See you, Thursday.” I smiled at Seth before he strode away.

  I elbowed Owen in the ribs. “You need to control yourself in public.” He tightened his grip around my waist.

  “Relax, City. I can’t help it if your intelligence turns me on. When you had to explain that problem in class the other day I had to keep adjusting myself under the desk.”

  I laughed and gazed back at Owen. “I thought you only wanted me for my body.”

  “Oh, that too. I objectify you in all sorts of ways.” A growl escaped his throat before he bit my neck. “I had early practice today and now I have the whole afternoon to spend with my girl. Let’s get something decent to eat.”

  Owen led me by the hand to his truck in the parking lot.

  “Coach told me there’s supposed to be a scout at Saturday’s game. He wants to make sure I’m on point, so he’s been kicking my ass at every practice.” Owen pursed his lips as he pulled out of the spot.

  “Wow! And you said scouts wouldn’t be gunning for you guys. I thought you weren’t interested in playing professional.”

  “I didn’t want to make it my focus because it’s a risky prospect. But I feel I should let this play out, you know? See what the scout says. I can at least say I tried, right?” The big smile across his face gave away his excitement. His effort to play it off like no big deal wasn’t working.

  “You’re amazing. If the scout has a brain, he’ll try to sign you by second period. You got this, baby.” I rubbed his shoulder as he kept his gaze on the road.

  My stomach twisted a bit at having to share Owen with the entire country and parts of Canada. He was more than a great hockey player; he was smart and gorgeous, with charisma to spare. He would turn heads everywhere, but how much different would it be than the way girls panted for him on campus every single day? Even if I didn’t trust the legions of puck bunnies that would salivate over my boyfriend, I needed to trust him. Whether it was Owen heading to the NHL or us retreating back to the cities we lived in for long periods of time, separations wouldn’t work if I let doubt seep into my thoughts. I owed it to myself not to spend the next few years on edge expecting the worst.

  I stepped out of the truck and was headed into Doyle’s when Owen pulled me back by the hand. “You’re … okay with this?” Owen frowned as he regarded me with wary eyes.

  I let out a deep sigh and gave him a big smile. “I’ve dated the great OT for months, and other than my little scuffle with Amber, I’m doing all right so far.” Owen chuckled as he shook his head. I kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand. “I’m always yours. Wherever I am.”

  Owen’s lips curved up in a smile as his shoulders relaxed. “Same as I’m always yours. All I need is you. Wherever I end up, that’s all I care about.” He gave me a soft kiss and I smiled against his mouth. “Although, after I get drafted, we could play puck bunny and hot new rookie. You could get naked and put my jersey on again—”

  I jabbed his side as he wrapped his arm around me. “Just don’t end up playing for the Bruins. Then my dad will really hate you.”

  Owen snickered and brushed his lips against mine. “Your dad will be an uphill battle regardless. C’mon, let me feed my smart girl.”

  “So how was nerd club?” Owen smirked as he leaned forward against the table.

  I kicked him under the table and he snickered back at me. “Finance Honor Society, jerk. It was okay. Some of the members were a little unfriendly, but Seth is pretty nice. We’re organizing an internship fair next month and need to contact financial firms to invite. The only company I know of is my dad’s, and I’m sure he’ll be over the moon and send someone when I tell him about this.”

  “I hope you’ll still want me around when you’re some important executive somewhere. I can see you in the high heels and business skirts.” Owen took my hand and kissed my fingers. He held his heated gaze to mine as he sucked my pinky into his mouth. I pushed my thighs together to relieve the tingles between my legs.

  I shut my eyes and bit my lip. “Why do you do that?”

  “Do what?” Owen smirked as the waitress set our plates before us.

  I huffed at him and glanced at my vibrating phone. It was a long text from a number I didn’t recognize. I picked it up to get a closer look at the screen.

  Janice gave me your number. I figured this was easier than email. How about we have an actual conversation? Can I call you?

  “Bella? You just zoned out on me there, City.” Owen narrowed his eyes at me.

  This had been my little secret for months. I hadn’t told Barb or any of the girls here. My parents were definitely off limits. Saying it out loud made it a little too real for my taste, but the burden was weighing heavily on my mind. Marc’s emails were more frequent as he pushed for a meeting. I needed to talk to someone before I burst.

  “Since Christmas, I’ve been speaking to my father. My biological father. We’ve been emailing back and forth but he wants to actually speak to me.” I raked my hands through my hair. His message freaked me out because it seemed too close and direct. In dealing with Marc, I preferred the comfortable distance email exchanges allowed us.

  Owen tilted his head as he leaned closer. “This was why you were upset over break? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I took in a deep breath. “I didn’t tell anyone. I was dealing with it by myself, now I don’t know what to do.”

  “You didn’t have to do that. You have me, remember?” Owen raised an eyebrow. “This is the biological father who you haven’t seen since you were six? Why is he so interested now?” He picked up his sandwich while holding his gaze on me.

  “I don’t know. I’d like to think people change.” I picked up my fork but didn’t feel hungry anymore. Owen asked the same question that had rustled through my head since December. I didn’t have an answer for either of us.

  “No, Bella.” He shook his head as he leaned closer. “They don’t. Aren’t you pissed that he stayed away for so long and is only coming back now? Did he tell you why?”

  “He just said it was a long story. I probably shouldn’t speak to him, but it’s hard to explain. I know so little about him. My parents won’t discuss him at all. I’m mad and annoyed that he’s pushing his way i
nto my life, but I can’t just ignore him either.” I dropped my fork on the plate and leaned back on my side of the booth. “The only way I can describe it is like being adopted. I look at my mother and little brother and at the ways I’m different than they are, and sometimes wonder if it comes from him.”

  Owen nodded. “I can see that. It must be weird not to know your own father. What do you think he wants after all this time?”

  I gazed down at my hands and shrugged. “I really don’t have a clue. The kid in me hopes that he’ll say how sorry he is and that he wants to make up for it. The adult in me isn’t buying it.” I gazed at Owen with a sad chuckle. “Stupid, isn’t it?”

  Owen reached across the table and took my hand in his. “No. It’s not stupid at all, baby. He’s your father, and you want to give him a chance. And for what it’s worth, he’s the one who missed out, not you.”

  I shook my head and a small smile spread across my lips. “Always the sweet talker.”

  “When you’re good at something, you should stick with it.” He winked before his smile faded. “Just be careful. I don’t want you to get your hopes up and get hurt.”

  “If he’s trying to make amends, do I even want him in my life now? What would Lucas think? He’s taken care of me my whole life. Having any contact with Marc at all is like a direct betrayal. Does that make sense?”

  I ran my fingers through my hair and gazed at Owen grinning to himself across the table.

  “What’s so funny?” I squinted my eyes at him.

  “When you get really frustrated, you always run your fingers through your hair like that.” He rubbed my forearm. “You pull at the roots like you’re about to yank it out.”

  “I do?” I furrowed my brow and he laughed harder.

  “I know my girl.” A slow smile spread on his lips. “And I have a feeling the kid in you is a lot louder than the adult about what she wants. If he hurts either of you, I can’t be responsible for my actions.”

  “And what is my big, bad, almost-pro hockey player boyfriend going to do, beat him up? That’s bad press.” I chuckled and darted my eyes away. “I always wondered why he left and didn’t come back—that maybe there was something wrong with me. I was only six, but why wouldn’t my own father want to know me?” I didn’t realize until I heard the cracking in my own voice how much I wanted Marc to tell me it wasn’t my fault he left—because deep down I believed it was.

  His expression turned serious as he turned his gaze back to mine. “You’re beautiful, brilliant, and amazing. If he doesn’t drop to his knees the second he sees you and beg your forgiveness for being an asshole for the past thirteen years, whatever he has to say isn’t worth your time.”

  The adult in me heard everything Owen said loud and clear. But the kid in me, even though I was setting myself up for almost certain disappointment, still wanted to give it a try.

  Bella

  “SO DO I GET TO meet Savannah hotness when you guys come in?”

  “As long as you don’t call him that when you do.”

  Barb laughed in my ear as I settled at a table in Bean Shooters to wait for Laura.

  “Calm your tits. I’m actually thrilled it’s going so well for you guys. I know the whole Savannah-Queens tragic long distance romance thing had you worried.”

  “Well, a scout is going to Owen’s next game. There’s a possibility of him playing professional after all, so the distance may grow a bit.”

  “That’s awesome! I bet you can sit in a suite at his games, and take along your bestie from home!”

  I huffed. “Don’t you get to sit in enough hockey suites interning for the Rangers?”

  “Yeah but I have to work. Totally different experience when you’re just a guest eating and drinking for free. You’re okay with all of that?”

  “With what? Owen is an awesome player. He really wants this, so I want it for him.”

  “Can you say that without sounding like you’re reading it off a cue card?”

  “I hate that you know me this well. It’s irritating.” I groaned but had to laugh. It was a little annoying, but with Barb, it was nice to never have to say anything. She could always tell what I was thinking before even I figured it out.

  Barb burst out laughing. “Too bad I can’t read the Blackjack tables in AC like I can read you.”

  “I trust him. And he’s not Christian, so—”

  “No, he’s not. Now repeat after me. ‘I’m not worried because my ridiculously hot boyfriend is head over heels for me, and not at all like my two pump douche canoe ex’.”

  I spit out a mouthful of latte. Barb sure had a way with words. “I’m not saying that, but thank you. Call you tomorrow?”

  “Say it, Bella,” Barb whispered. I cursed my mother at times for my Twilight namesake.

  “Love you, bye!” The second I ended the call, my phone started ringing again. Relentless was Barb’s middle name.

  I answered without looking at the screen. “Still not saying it,” I sang into the phone.

  “Hi, Bella.” I fell back onto my chair and froze. It’s amazing the memories you hold on to and don’t realize until something shoves them to the surface. A smell, a song or a sound can bring it all back in the blink of an eye. On the other end of the line was a voice I hadn’t heard since I was six years old, but recognized immediately.

  “Hi, Marc.” Laughter filled my ears.

  “Marc? We’re on a first name basis? Let me guess, you probably call Lucas ‘Dad,’ right? Figures,” he grumbled.

  “Well, Lucas is the one who’s been around for the past thirteen years, so yes, I do.” If he wanted to be called ‘Dad’ he had to earn it. And a few emails and text messages didn’t count.

  “Oh, Bella. You sound exactly like your mother. You even picked up her Bronx accent. There’s a lot you don’t know, little girl.”

  “Little girl?” His accusing tone and attitude were already getting under my skin. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Marc huffed. “You always worshiped Lucas. You would run right past me and jump in his arms. Another thing you get from your mother. I bet you didn’t know they were together while we were still married.”

  My mouth dropped open. That couldn’t be true. Mom would never do that. “Stop lying,” I gasped into the phone.

  “Ask them. Ask them when our divorce was final and when your mother got together with Lucas. And how Lucas played house with the two of you when I was working in Chicago trying to save money to send home.”

  My breath caught in my throat as his words sank in. I loved Lucas, but had no idea what to do with this information. He wasn’t the kind of guy to bust in and take over another man’s family. The spotty memories I did have of Marc were of him yelling at us and never seeming that he wanted to be home. I assumed he left because he didn’t want to be with us. With the little I knew about Marc, I shouldn’t have been listening to this at all, or taking his word over Mom and Lucas. But a little voice inside nudged me, and I wondered if this was part of the reason he’d been absent for most of my life.

  Asking my mom if this was true would be admitting I spoke to Marc. I couldn’t do that, at least not yet.

  “Bella?”

  “Whatever happened between you and Mom, I was still your daughter. I’d be a lot more open to what you have to say if I’d ever gotten a birthday card from you or a phone call sometimes.”

  Marc let out an audible sigh. “I’m not perfect, Bella. But I’m here now. That should count for something.”

  Thinking my biological father was a deadbeat was a hell of a lot easier than thinking Mom and Lucas had an affair. My head spun as my heart dropped somewhere around my kidneys.

  “I’ll be upstate next week, and really need to talk to you. There’s a diner where you go to school, free something.”

  “Freemont Diner. A friend of mine works there.”

  “Yes, that’s it! Good, so you know where it is. Can you meet me?”

  I took a deep breath. “When?”r />
  “Maybe next Friday. Listen, I know I haven’t been the best father. I just want you to hear me out. Can you do that? Give me at least that much?”

  “Give you that much? What have you given me my entire life? You think you can force your way back into my life just because you feel like it. Affair or no affair, Lucas was the one who was there for me, not you.” My heart raced as my shaking hand tried to keep its grip on my phone. Equal parts rage and hurt wreaked havoc on my insides. Why did I reply to Marc at all?

  Marc let out a long sigh. “But Lucas isn’t your father. I am. And I need to talk to you. Will you see me?”

  I already knew my answer. I couldn’t not meet him and hear what he had to say. Curiosity—or stupidity—got the best of me. Soon enough, I’d find out which one.

  “My last class is at five on Friday. I can meet you afterward. My friend Kristy can give me a ride if she works that night.”

  “All right. If you can’t get a ride, I’ll come pick you up.”

  “It’s been awhile.” I uttered a sad chuckle. “You have no idea what I look like.”

  “You’re my daughter, Bella. Trust me. I’d know you anywhere. Talk soon, okay?”

  No. Nothing was okay. I was so far from okay, I didn’t think I’d be in the same zip code of okay anytime soon. Being ignored and kept in the dark may have been awful, but it was a shit ton better than whatever I was right now.

  Owen

  THE BEER GOING DOWN MY throat was bitter and warm. Even though the taste activated my gag reflex, I didn’t care. I needed alcohol tonight. Hell, I would even have downed moonshine if we had it.

  “Another one?” Andy’s dejected gaze met my own. For three years, we’ve waited for a scout to show up at one of our games. We gave him a show all right. A shut out. We got killed four to zip. Coach probably shouldn’t have said a word about someone watching us. We all played like Bambi on ice, unsteady and unfocused.